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I loaned him a lot of money - am I being used?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 October 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 6 October 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 51-59, *ixen72 writes:

I have a friend, we did everything together, he rang every night just to say hello and all that kind of stuff. Everyone thought we were going out together. I sort of started to like him but he said he wasn't interested after he had his heart broken by someone.

He gave all the signals that he was interested which left me very confused. He's now started seeing someone and doesn't ring constantly, says he'll do things he says he will. I'm ok with him having a girlfriend, I'm upset that I'm losing my friend or wondering if he ever was a real friend as my friend. I gave him a loan of a large amount of money. Was I being used?

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A female reader, JackieR United Kingdom +, writes (6 October 2007):

JackieR agony auntHe isn't with you because he had his heart broke by an ex, so why is he going out with someone else????

I do think he is using you because now that he has someone else he doesn't contact you that often, what does that say??

I think you need to break away from him also as i don't think this is a healthy relationship, do you want him as a friend or need him as a friend believe me there is a difference!!

You need to get more friends who value you, but the only way you are going to do this is to value yourself, only damaged people stay in damaged relationships, can you understand this??

As for lending him money this was unwise, i know as i have been in the same boat. I got into alot of debt due to my ex boyfriend who finished things but has never paid me any money for these loans that i took out for him. That was 3 years ago and i am finally seeing light at the end of the tunnel. This experience has made me extremely cautious of people and i am a better judge of people, and the only person i rely on is me.

This guy i am afraid is using you, so try to forget about him or at least distance yourself from him or he will continually hurt you, and get all your money back asap!!

Good luck

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A female reader, Agony-Hannah United Kingdom +, writes (6 October 2007):

Well, from what I've read- I think he's a decent guy. You obviously really like him, and I think he likes you too. But I've think he was waiting for you to make the move. He was showing all the signals, and was hoping for you to show them too. I don't think you've missed your chance- just have a talk with him. Get to know what's really happening. Make sure you're not too agressive or pushy- as he ows you money. He's obviously just a bit busy at the minute. Ask him out for a coffee to discuss matters with him. If you think it feels right- tell him. You'll soon know if he's using you or not.

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