A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ive been married 6 months, i live with my in laws this is something my husband is not willing to change any time soon. He is afraid that his mother will feel deserted if we leave the parental house and even bought a bigger house so we would all live together, even though he has a younger brother living at home and his father also. He doesnt seem to understand that it is damaging our relationship. I feel suffocated, stressed all the time especially when the 2 of us finally decide to do something together and his mother gives us looks that could kill and remarks on how we are always out despite the fact that were always home for fear of what may be said. We have cancelled many plans including going away for both our birthdays. What can i do? he fights me and takes everything out on me instead of confronting them. please help.
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female
reader, vivita  +, writes (25 November 2009):
I can tell you from my own cruel eperience, you said you left your job and moved across the country to be with your husband (and live with his parents), big mistake, I will tell you, I left my country and my job and went to live with my husband and his parents, without needing it financially either, I survived 2 years and more of total missery, the good moments we had were when we were outside of that house, when we came back, even if his parents were not there, that became a torture, I felt sofocated and misserable, specially when you are an independent woman, and suddenly your husband takes away that and you start depending on him.
I think your husband as much as was mine, is SELLFISH by dragging you into this, you re only six months married and you feel like this, it will just get worse, if he could move out?, well, mine had two ultimatums from my side, and he didn't respect them, so I ended up leaving him, among otehr problems, but this was one of the main reasons why this happened, a good advice from experince, talk to him, if he doesnt listen and is willing to move ASP,if you don't want to end up loosing your soul and marriage, then leave!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): My husband was the same way when we got married. We are now going in to 6th year and he has recently asked his parents to move out. I think you got to give it time. Things change gradually. Don't ask your hubby to change overnight, give him room and time and he will change.
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A
male
reader, Asexy +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Drag his ass into counseling. When a professional tells him that there are other ways to support his parents other than by taking it out on you, then he'll believe it.
Even the Bible says that he's supposed to leave his parents and be only with his wife. But he won't take that from you. He needs to hear it from someplace else.
If he won't go to counseling, you need to decide whether you can handle this. Your choice becomes do you stay and tolerate it, or do you leave and find a life.
Wish I had better advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your thoughts.
I think I wasn't clear enough in my first posting...
My husband supports his retired parents, yes he works and my husband bought a new larger house one month b4 we were married in order to keep everyone living together. He pays the mortgage and utility bills. His parents pay for the digital tv channels!
We do not have any children and dont plan on it for a few years.
I think his mother plans on being a huge part of raising any children we do have eventually.
I left my job and moved across the country to be with him so am not currently working. My new job will be starting in a couple of months.
Finances are not the reason for staying with them. He feels like its his duty as the elder of the 2 sons to provide for them and he believes as daughter in law i should do everything for them.
When we make plans to go out (or even just spending time in our room)she makes him and then me feel guilty about not including her, He ends up inviting her and the whole thing gets ruined or we just dont do anything.
He doesnt enjoy having to answer to her either but he cant stand up for us. I never knew it would be like this b4 we got married. he always said we'd stay here for a year and then move on alone- now everytime he talks of moving out he includes his mum in the plans.
I cant give him an ultimatum bcuz i know he'll pick her and ill be heartbroken.
She has problems with his father and latches onto her son instead. They have been thru a lot of abuse together in his childhood and therefore he feels like he has to protect her even tho his dad is old and no threat to anyone anymore.
i left everything to be with him gave up my job and my life with my family, i feel like im getting no support in return and am slowly stepping on egg shells in whats meant to be my own house. I fear saying the wrong thing bcuz he has a short fuse due the the stress his parents cause him. He wouldnt harm me but he does shout and take it out on me.
I dont know what to do.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (31 October 2007):
 Wow talk about a mumma's boy you should have sorted this before you got married he cant live with mummy his entire life its not fair what about when you have kids are you still meant to live with his parents, you two need to get alife and not listen to what his mum says dont cancel plans because she doesnt like you going out your married its what couples do! Try talking to him about going out and moving out maybe you should try councilling together to get your problems sorted and maybe he wil realise its not right for you to live with is parents because he is afraid to move on. Or you could do something really extreme like give him an ultimatum her or you its extreme i know but he is your husband!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2007): Appreciate the fact that you have somehwhere to live for cheap or free? What are you being charged to live there? If nothing, or very little, save money to buy a home. It will take years but you'll be a lot better off with some money to put down on a home instad of barrowing all of it. And you don't want to throw away money renting. Are you working? Does your husband work? Does he make enough money to even support you in your own home? Maybe that is why he stays with his mom, because he doesn't know if he could make ends meet. Do you have any kids with him?
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