A
female
age
36-40,
*oah
writes:Ok, so ive been stewing on this issue for quite some time, but now i think its time to ask for advice. I know this guy through the company i work for, we know of eachother's existence but refrain from speaking to one another. Now ive liked this guy for nearly six months and completely clam up everytime i have an opportunity to speak to him. Im not sure why i do this, because its so out of character for me, but its like i have no control over it. we have mutual friends at work and are often in the same room together conversing with these people but not with eachother. i know it seems strange but its almost as if we go out of our way to NOT talk to one another! I really want to get that initial akwardness over with and talk to him, he's a really good guy! Just from what other people say about him and when i hear him talking, i know he's great. Its obvious that theres a little something between us but i dont know if he feels the same way as i do. At times I even catch him watching me(or maybe im crazy). I have never felt this way about someone, nevermind the fact that we dont even know each other on a personal level. I need some advice, what do i do to break the ice? How can i go about this situation differently? And one more thing to add, im just shy of 20 and he's (ive been told) in his 30's, is it wrong of me to feel so strongly about someone cleary a decade older than i am? Any help would be great, this whole thing has been on my mind for ages. thanx.
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female
reader, Loah +, writes (28 August 2007):
Loah is verified as being by the original poster of the question Ive read the above comments, thankyou for the advice! In my situation, although we work for the same company, he's in one dept. and Im in another. I at times go out of my way to catch a glimpse of him (pathetic I know). The only opportunity I have to see him is every Monday and Friday. So if a relationship were to come into the picture, i would like to think that conflict would be minimal. I would prefer to become friends before all else but even that seems like a far stretch from where we are right now. I guess Ill try to take a step in the right direction and break the ice a bit despite the fact that Im clueless as to what I should say!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Hi The age gap is not a problem as long as he is single (17 yrs in my case)men like younger women!. I've felt this way and the situation got difficult. I don't understand why, we both know we fancy each other but we can't bring ourselves to be the one to talk. We are both talkative with others but clam up as soon as we see each other so avoid seeing each other. Now his job has moved starting in a few weeks so we have to talk to each other. This will help but one of you has to be brave and tell why you are feeling awkward. I thought of writing or texting and was going to until I heard about the move to my dept. Make sure this man is NOT married. A lot of 30 somethings are be careful and if single go for it before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, Reina  +, writes (27 August 2007):
No it's not wrong for you to be attracted to an older man. A lot of women like an older man - he's more mature, usually accomplished, he provides stability... things like that; however, it is definitely not a good idea to try to get involved with someone at work. There are just way too many issues that may arise. Furthermore, if you can handle being associates with him - and nothing more - whenever you guys are talking to mutual friends in a group setting, ask a question to the group or something and ask them all to answer. something like that. Or just be bold and ask him how his day is going whenever you bump in to him next.
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