A
female
age
30-35,
*oftlipz
writes:So there's this guy who i like for almost 2 years now, he's indian and I just found out the other night that he's going to have an arranged marriage. The relationship we have is kind of weird, were not friends but we talk sometimes on msn or facebook. So this all started from grade 11 business class, i use to see him staring at me constantly and i always wondered why he would. Then i started noticing him and then i had a little crush on him. so i told him through e-mail that i liked him but he didn't believe me then he told me that he had a girlfriend. But even after he told me that, he would still stare at me in the hallways when i walked by, or in class or sometimes when i walk by him, he'll act like he doesn't see me until i look back to look at him, i see him looking back at me at the same time. I started asking people he knows if he had a girlfriend and they said no. So i thought it was just the easy way out of telling me that he doesn't like me. In March 2009, i started to get over him because i didn't see the point anymore. But then when prom came around, i noticed that he kept on staring at me for the whole night, even when i was dancing with other guys. Then finally i was by myself and i was standing near him and i felt him coming closer and closer to me and all of a sudden he grabbed me by the waist and we started dancing. While we were dancing, he folded his hand into mine. He also asked me to slow dance with him and while we were slow dancing; he kept rubbing my lower back and butt. From that night, i honestly thought he liked me back because i was the only girl he danced with that night and there were so many other girls he could have danced with, and plus i said that i wanted to atleast dance with him at prom because i would never see him again. so 2 days later my friend and him were talking on facebook and me and him dancing came up in the conversation and he told me friend that he didn't want to give me the wrong intentions so i left him an offline message saying that he didn't give me the wrong intentions and that i danced with other guys and that he wasn't the one who made my night(which was obviously a lie). so i felt bad about the message so then the next day at school i told him how i truly felt and he was smiling for the whole time. I thought everything would end from there but in mid summer, he sent me a "poke" and a message on facebook saying "what's up?".After that, we haven't spoken to eachother. so now that i know that he's going to have an arranged marriage, how do i get over him? and do you think he atleast felt something from what i just wrote? sorry it's so long, just had to get that out
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female
reader, Rose_red_09  +, writes (2 October 2009):
I know its hard but it sounds like he really did fancy you but due to family expectations/commitments, he is doing what is a duty to his family.
And if he is due to get married, then that in itself needs to be closure for you. He is getting on with his life and you must do so too. If he did break the engagement off and came to see if you guys could make a go of things, well thats something else. But to be honest - you can't just hold on to that hope. What will be - will be so in the meantime - you do need to move on.
Keep busy - see your friends, read, watch movies - do whatever it takes to keep your mind occupied.
Take care
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): Hey, I'm sorry about what's going on. But can I just ask you one question? are you yourself Asian? If your not that would explain why he's been hesitant to take your relationship further as he knows his family would probably not accept a non-Indian girl. And if you are, maybe he's know for a long time that he would be getting an arranged marriage and so that's why he never saw the point in going further with you.
Anyway I'm a great believer in all things happening for a reason -and who knows maybe there is a chance you two could be together in the future.
However I would also say be realistic, if he really want to make things work between you too the balls in his court so to speak -he knows you like him.
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