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I like oral sex, but I do not enjoy intercourse, and I see it as a burden. How can I learn to enjoy sex?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 February 2011) 5 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm 17 and I've been with my boyfriend just over a year now. He's the only person I've ever had sex with and I've never really enjoyed it. I enjoy oral sex, but whilst we are having intercourse I don't feel much at all and I feel as if sex is a burden to me. It is causing me a lot of stress because I want to want to have it sex with him and I want to enjoy it, but I don't know what I can do. How can I enjoy the sex?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2011):

Just be simple, tell him that u don.t enjoy intercourse u just enjoy oral sex

i know u r having little problem in intercourse, and thats bcoz u r still not fit to have sex but if u enjoy oral u ll also enjoy intercourse within 2,3 months

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (25 February 2011):

person12345 agony auntLike another poster said, only around 25% of women can orgasm from intercourse. You shouldn't have it if it's not something you like. It's not good for you or your relationship to do something it sounds like you can't stand, you'll start to resent him for it. There are a few things you can try if sticking to oral sex on each other isn't enough (sex doesn't have to revolve around penetrative sex you know). Though that is always an option, and at least you never have to worry about pregnancy.

Many women prefer being on top during sex. That way you can add in your own hands to stimulate your clitoris. There are also toys you can think about, like adding in a vibrator or there are ones that fit around the base of his penis. You're going to have to talk to him about ways to make this better for you. Is there something in particular he's doing or not doing that's making it unpleasant? Like does he put effort into pleasuring you during intercourse? You should communicate what feels good and what doesn't. If he's doing something that you like, tell him. Likewise, if something doesn't feel good speak up. Communication is the best way to solve this.

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A female reader, GeeGee255 United States +, writes (25 February 2011):

GeeGee255 agony auntI agree with all the comments above, you need to find out what does work for you and then teach him how to please you. Woman on top may help because it gives you more contact and more control. And when he is on top well, there is nothing wrong with lending yourself a helping hand.

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A female reader, Gabrielle Stoker United States +, writes (25 February 2011):

Gabrielle Stoker agony auntIs this giving oral sex or receiving it that you're talking about?

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (25 February 2011):

birdynumnums agony auntIf you are having sex only to please him; I don't think that I can explain to you at your young age how to enjoy sex more. i firmly believe that you should only be having sex with a partner that you should be willing to raise babies with; so I hope you are using TWO forms of contraception; including a condom.

Sex is about sharing, bonding, acceptance, communication and commitment. If you can't feel comfortable enough to explain to your partner how you want to be touched in order to reach orgasm, you might not be old enough to be this involved with someone else.

You SHOULD be able to be telling him what it is you want in bed. If YOU yourself don't know or haven't yet achieved an orgasm, that's another issue entirely; but as you has said that you enjoy oral, I doubt that's the problem.

A full 70% of women never climax from intercourse - Truth.

After YOU have had at least one orgasm from oral sex (him giving it to you), you will probably feel 'more' during penetrative sex; however, this probably won't make you more able to come this way if that is Not your inclination.

I would propose to you that you view penetrative sex more as a sexual bonding act. I'm sure that sex still feels good to you and gives you both a 'closeness' that you can enjoy with your partner. Consider it more like "foreplay" and accept that your orgasms don't come from that particular sex act.

If 70% of women can't come just from sex, you should at least find comfort in being normal and adjust your sexual expectations accordingly. Thinking that you can change your physiology and experience an orgasm any other way "I You Really Are In Love" is a fools folly. Coming one way or the other isn't proof of anything. It's just the way your own body is hard-wired; it's just something that you will have to accept.

And don't fake orgasms to please your man. You will just short-change yourself in the long run. Hopefully, this will provide some reassurance to you with your worries.

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