A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey im 14 have a girlfriend that is great im doing well in school and just have a good life in general. One problem i like my gfs bestfriend. I know i would never stand a chance with her because im ugly. Basically im asking for any advice on how to get over her because it is messing me up inside. Im 14
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thnx 4 all your advice especially to susan n lol i got all of wat u said i though about it n ur rite der always wil be better looking girls thanks for all your help
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thnx 4 all your advice especially to susan n lol i got all of wat u said i though about it n ur rite der always wil be better looking girls thanks for all your help
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): That's a brilliant bit of psychoanalytical advice from Susan and I sincerely hope you've given her a 5* rating.
I would just add a couple of quotes that you may find useful in future.
'No matter how good she looks, there's always some other guy fed up with putting up with her shit / attitude'.
'All that glitters does not go / is not gold'.
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (28 April 2008):
 Um. Ugh. I have several answers for you, but I'm concerned that the ones that matter will confuse the ones that don't.
Oh well. Try to follow ALL of my thoughts here, because if you go off with a half-formed idea then it might be a disaster!
First, and I think most important, I just have to deal with your comment "I'm ugly". Do you have two heads with snakes instead of hair? Are you covered with puss-filled globules that burst every time someone touches you? No? Ah. Well, in that case there are hundreds of thousands of girls out there who will find you attractive in one way or another and, surprise surprise, some of them will be stunningly beautiful. There's far more to life and relationships than conventional good looks, and as you get a little older and the girls around you get a little older, you will begin to see through the insignificant and superficial exterior.
Got that? Good.
Next, you're fourteen and you say "it is messing you up inside" because you like your girlfriend's best friend and you don't stand a chance with her. Let me assure you that at fourteen years old there are a million and one things messing you up inside, not least unbalanced hormones that are desperately trying to make sense of the opposite sex (usually the opposite sex, but not necessarily, and sometimes confusing it completely). What appears attractive to you now may be quite the opposite in a year or two.
Third, and this is really advice for an adult, but you have to hear it some time so now is a good place to start. There will always, always be better-looking girls than the one you are with, exactly the same as there are better looking men than the one I'm with (and I've been with him for more than 20 years - and don't you think I haven't had "better" offers!). You look, you think "wow, she's nice" (or in my case "wow, he's nice"), and you stick with what you've got because, eventually, you love that partner. If you change every time you see something that looks prettier, you end up nowhere with no one. It's never too early to start properly - by which I mean that learning about maintaining respect and a little loyalty to your current partner even at your age is good practice. Chopping and changing is confusing for everyone. Also, it feels very much nicer to have someone who "belongs" to you and to whom you "belong". Don't think - yet - it's going to last forever (it might, and it might not), but it's far more comfortable to feel that there is a good chance it might and go with that feeling until proved otherwise.
Next, let's be practical here. Your girlfriend's best friend? Come on. If she's really your girlfriend's best friend then that's the reason you "don't stand a chance" not because of your looks. Most girls are far more loyal to their female friends than boys are to their male friends. She's not going to "go out" (or whatever the current phrase is) with you because that would mean "stealing" you from her best friend. It's not on. And if it was, if that is what she would do to her best friend, then she's not the sort of person you want to be involved with.
Finally, good looking is not always good, any more than not so good looking is not always not so good. (Too many double negatives there. Ask your English teacher.) It's like racehorses (now I'll get accused of encouraging you to gamble), the sleek, glossy ones that look really fit tend to fall at the first fence. You need to study the form and understand it properly if you want any hope of winning anything.
I hope you managed to get through all that, and I hope you can take something useful out of it.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rproctor  +, writes (28 April 2008):
You should never say that you do not stand a chance... Looks make up 10% of what a woman thinks about you. You may see yourself as ugly, she may see you as unattractive, but that does not mean she would not give you a chance. You must be confident, you must be strong. Do not let fear overwhelm you, do not let your insecurities bury you.But, on another note, you should not go for your gf's best friend as it is morally wrong. You should definitely focus on your gf and make it important between you 2.
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A
female
reader, WiccanWonder +, writes (28 April 2008):
 just try not to think about it and eventually, it will go away. =]
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