A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am just curious if anyone believes that it is possible to be so connected and in tune with another person that you can feel them even when they are away from you? This is how i feel about the only man that i have ever been in love with.Rewind...met him more than 10 years ago. He was married and i was single. Against all logic and my morals, i began a relationship with him because it felt right and natural. After about a year of dating, I ended it because i was very emotionally attached and he was still married so i thought this was the best way to keep my sanity. But when i said goodbye to him, he was so embedded in my heart that it felt like i ripped out a part of me. My creative and passionate side has been quiet since then. It truly has.Fast forward...all of a sudden my thoughts were consumed by HIM. During the day, images of him flooded my mind and at night i dreamt of him remembering his voice and distinct scent. I began to panic and exercised like a fanatic thinking..."i don't want HIM to see me like this." I could not relieve myself of the thoughts so i began to write to clear my mind. This continued on for a month and i literally thought i was going insane. Finally, the first day that i hadn't thought of him was the very day that i unexpectedly ran into him. How is it possible that i somehow knew i would see him?Of course I am still unconditionally in love with him. But he is still married and now i am married as well. I love my husband, but even when our love was at its strongest it cannot even slightly compare to the love that i hold for HIM. This other man and I began speaking again and now the emotional affair has turned into a physical affair. We are both married with kids and I feel that I owe my husband a lot, but I am just drawn to this other man. I can pick up on all of his emotions, even by text when i can't hear his voice. If I write any troubling questions i have in a personal journal, the next time i see HIM, he unknowingly answers them. How can this be?I have never felt this kind of connection with any other man. We know so much about each other, good and bad, and still accept each other just the way we are. I know we are hurting many people since we are both married and have children. But this connection is just so unreal. It is hard to explain but however it exists, it does. I feel fate has given us another chance, why should we throw it away again? I think it is our turn to be happy.Has anyone else ever felt this way? All comments are welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Thanks for the bluntness from all. For the record I never blamed my cheating on this connection and i only used "HIM" to distinguish between the two without using names. Obviously there is more to the story than told. This other man and I did have a child together, whom i love. He didn't leave his wife the first time because his own children were young and he felt the need to be with them, which i understand. Before i found out i was pg, i had already spoken with him about ending the relationship so i didn't feel that being pg should change anything. However, he did keep in touch with me during pregnancy. At this time, I met my soon to be husband and it felt almost as if it was an arranged marriage...he wanted a family and i needed security. As selfish as that sounds, i am being honest. To avoid the other man, i basically created space. I moved to a different state, new phone, new home, and chose not to tell him so he couldn't get in contact with me anymore. I had his number but decided to never call him. I did that basically to give my husband a fair chance, and i learned to love him, i admit i didn't love him immediately. Now my husband and i have been together almost 10 years and yes he raised a child that is not his...very admirable i know. But even before this other man came back into my life, my husband and i have talked about divorce many times over the last 2 years. I told him that i would divorce him if i thought that he wouldn't run away with my children, because he is very vengeful. He admitted that he wouldn't take only our child but the one he raised as well. He is from another country and i fear that he would do this and take them there. So now i feel stuck. The other man, well his children are older now and he is prepared to move on. He doesn't hate me for doing what i did and yes he wants to meet our child, but i have decided against that for the time being. Yes cheating is cheating, plain and simple, but there is always more to the story than told. And it is always so easy to judge if you have never been in that situation. I know because i used to be the one pointing fingers as well. But still, thanks for the honesty.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 If your lover agreed with all of this then he'd been divorced by now, and you wouldn't have gone ahead and married someone else and pop out their child. Forgive my bluntness, but this is selfish and completely utterly foolishness and sillyness.
Sure, people can have a great connection with each other. But in what way does that legitimate you screwing others around? You're screwing your husband around, your child, your lover, and your lovers wife, and their children as well, and I can't imagine how many others. And you justify this selfish act with some "blessings from above" blasphemy.
Share a spiritual connection with him all you want, but get a grip. It is not your turn to be happy, because if you were REALLY supposed to be together you WOULD HAVE BEEN TOGETHER. Life isn't that complicated, he'd have gotten his divorce ten years ago and you would have had HIS children, not someone elses children.
Are you trying to tell us that for all these years you have been so unhappy that you went ahead and married and became a mother? Indeed, what a cursed life. So all through these ten years you married another man because of... what? Pity or lack of anything better to do? Never shared a happy moment? Don't love your child? Don't get anything out of life? Since NOW is supposedly your "time to be happy", at last? Really, have you been unhappy up until this very point?
Your spiritual connection is in your head, and while it might be true, I hardly believe your lover agrees with it. You wrote nothing about how he feels about your so called telepathic communication. I think you're obsessing over him, talking about HIM in big letters like he was the God himself. But how has he been treating you, what has he been thinking of you? If you truly love each other, how come you only casually met him from time to time after you ended the affair?
And yes, lets go back to remind you that this is not some special match made in heaven. This is a plain old affair you are having. It is selfish, and you can give yourself all the reasons in the world, but you know what you are doing isn't right to anyone.
The connection is so real to you, but don't try to fool anyone into thinking that this connection is some spiritual guiding that had taken over your body and is spreading your legs, and God help you because you are completely innocent in all of this. YOU CHOOSE TO DO WHAT YOU DO. Don't blame that on anything else but your own bad judgment.
Next you need to read a bit of Sigmund Freud. If you want to see a connection, the human mind is build to find these connections, whether they are there or not. If you follow a hypothesis that can not be proven wrong, you will always find examples of how it is right. This is in essence what you are doing. You're reading too much into things, and ignoring the things that prove you wrong. Thus he answers your questions because you read his words into being an answer, whether it truly is or not.
This is tough love. I'm telling you these things for your own good, and for the sake of your family. Cheating is wrong, no matter what reasons you think you have for it. But, your other question was if someone else has ever felt that way, and I can tell you that yes, I've felt that way several times. It comes with being a good people person, understanding them. When you live with someone for a long time for example, you know the others thoughts, you will call each other at the same time, want the same things at the same time, answers each others questions before asking them etc. Women also get their periods on the same time when they are close to each other, and you might feel emotional or spiritual connections with each other. This is all natural and normal for plenty of people.
Yet, it doesn't make your actions morally correct.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Yes its possible,early in the mornings when im still half asleep I hear my guy him breathing,hes been away for a long time
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Never heard such a load of bull in my life!
You are cheating, pure and simple. If you have the courage of your convictions, if you "love" this man so passionately, if you believe you have such a connection that it does not come close to your husband surely then you have no problem in telling your husband how you feel? After all this is real right?
You two have such a connection that he didn't leave his wife.
Look call a spade a spade, you want to have guilt free sex, what ever justification you're using to sleep with this guy, I hope you'll be able to use it if your husband finds out. I'm sure he'll understand your "connection"
Why make vows in front of god if you're going to break them at the first chance? Why get married? Why then say you "love" your husband? That's not love? That contempt for the values of marriage and the bonds of trust.
This is not a chance to be "happy", this is just a chance for him to have free sex on tap with someone else and for you the same. I just feel sorry for the other people involved, I guess marriage is not all it's cracked up to be, makes me despair actually, because to me it's the ultimate betrayal not only to the partner but to the kids irresponsibly brought into this world only to have broken homes because people can't control themselves.
I won't even wish you good luck. Shame on you.
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