A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 9 year marriage had been doomed for a few years now, so I broke free and have been seeing this other man for 5 months. At first, we were casual, nothing serious. After 2 months we realized we had fallen in love and expressed it to one another. That night, I found out via Facebook that he had been dating a 19 year old girl for 4 months. To help, he is 40, I am 29 and the girlfriend is 19. He said that he didn't think he would fall for me, but when he did, he was afraid to tell me about her because I'd walk away. He says he loves her, but isn't in love and knows there is no future with her due to age and differences. He said that he wants me to "wait" for him to see it through and let it end because it is now doomed because of his love for me. He said he has too much guilt of breaking her heart and doesn't want to start our relationship by leaving the girlfriend for me. He said we can see each other and let that relationship end as it is going to. Stupidly, because I was still legally married, I said I would. So, for the past 3 months I have been seeing him while he sees her. He spends 6 out of 7 nights with me and one night a week he drives an hour to see her or she drives an hour to see him here. That one night, kills me. We have become very serious, talking future and marriage someday. I am head over heel for him. But I am tired of sharing. When I asked him (probably unfairly) to leave her or lose me, he said he can't do that. He cares about her and doesn't want to hurt her and can't break it off because "it's not that easy". What do I do? I love him and we are so very compatible and I think if she wasn't in the picture, we would eventually marry and be happy together. We are happy together until the phone rings or text buzzes or he goes to her. Am I foolish for waiting it out? Does he have any intention of leaving her? Pleas e help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, we are divorcing. The marriage is over.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 May 2011):
 More importantly, what are you doing about your marriage? Are you divorcing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks spinnaker. Obviously, last night was the one night per week so this was fresh on my brain. I sent him a text telling him that if he loves me, to leave me alone (no texts, no emails, no calls) until he decides who he wants to be with. I know he won't adhere to that, so I downloaded a program for my phone to block his number and texts so I won't be tempted to back out and call or talk when he calls or respond to texts. It's going to be hard, but spinnaker is right, I will end up posting my used and abused broken heart story on here if I don't make a change.
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A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (10 May 2011):
 This guy certainly has the best of both worlds using you and this 19 year old simultaniously. I am sure his stories are very popular around the office water cooler and he would give great advice on how to get what he wants out of women.
Do you really wish to be beholden to this man's shallow and fickle affections? It is painfully obvious he does not wish to committ to either of you but is perfectly content spending the night and making you think you are the only one for him.
Forgive my bluntness but if you continue with this fiasco do not be surprised if you find yourself putting up another post regarding your broken heart and how you were used.
Have some respect for yourself because I am certain you are far more than someones object of womanization.
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