A
female
age
36-40,
*caredkitty
writes:Hi. I have a huge dilemma here. I'm almost 22 and have never had a boyfriend. I've never had a lot of friends and I don't party like people my age. So you can see why...Anyway, my problem is that a guy supposedly likes me, or so say my friends. It's been a year since we met, and we both liked each other since the beginning. I could feel it, but I don't know how he feels now.He never asked me out. He playfully flirts with me, he has done little things that show his interest, but he never said anything. I didn't either because he is younger than me. He's 19, which embarrassed me at the beginning but I do not care anymore. Honestly, he looks older.The thing is that I lost hope and settled for being friends only, until another girl started to show a lot of interest. He's now friends with her too, and even though he has told me he is not interested in her, I'm afraid he is going to get her way with him. She's being very obvious, he has trouble noticing it though. He's kind of naive. So, suddenly I'm feeling very jealous and kind of desperate.I do not know how to act around him anymore. I've been awkward and distant, I guess because I felt betrayed... but I'm trying to be normal again. I know he doesn't owe me anything, he may not even know I'm interested...So what do I do? A lot of people have told me to let him know how I feel. Or that I should just grab him and kiss him, lol... But I'm shy, and I tend to hide my emotions. I never tell people I love them. It scares the hell out of me, I'd die if he tells me he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. I guess he doesn't want one because he is really into his studies. But what do I do?! I don't want to lose him!!! Seeing him with that girl kills me.
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female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Hey there :)
It's hard to tell someone how you feel! What makes it tougher is that everyone's always saying the guy should make the first move, not the girl.
But you know what? Sometimes i just think: Life is short!
It's worse if you wait until he gets a girl to do something because then he might think you're coming from a place of jealousy, not love.
You must come from a place of love. Now, i'm not suggesting you serenade him outside his bedroom window or declare your undying love at a Karoake session, but i am saying that it's a good time to start showing him how you feel. Flirt a little bit more, just by making strong eye-contact, giving him a sexy smile and wearing a dress that will make his tongue pop out of his mouth. :) Talk to him, show him you're interested in things he has to say, touch him when he speaks to you, talk about your common interests. Connect with each other.
As you do these things, you'll then be able to read his body language and see if he reciprocates what you're doing, like if he flirts back.
If he does reciprocate but he doesn't make a move,
just tell him that you like him. What's the big deal? The worst thing that can happen is that he rejects you. So what? It's better than feeling awkward and distant, or missing the opportunity!
I always believe people should just know how we feel.
Hope this helps you
Let us know how it goes
xx
A
male
reader, Tomas  +, writes (3 March 2009):
ScaredKitty,
Bit of toughlove for you, cause I like you.
It is perfectly possible to spend your whole life this way.
And it will get harder to change the longer you leave it.
Talking to someone you like is a lot like public speaking, many people cringe at the thought, not so much because they are shy, rather because they know they don't know how to do it, that they will say "um" and "ah" and jingle their keys or change in their pocket ... basically they are smart enough to know they will do something that sounds stupid.
So they never start.
You have to start.
And you will be embarrassed.
And you will go home and cover your head with a pillow and say "aaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh i can't believe it".
But on the other hand, you will be surprised how, even when you do something that mortifies you, what your guy will do is smile. Because he isn't thinking about whether you are saying something right, he is dealing with his own set of insecurities. And two nervous people are exceedingly forgiving of each other's foibles.
Just like with public speaking, you realize that the most of the people in the audience are thinking about something else, thinking not about you but themselves, and those few who are thinking about you, are generally rooting for you to do a good job, and will immediately forgive mistakes.
The problem is, you never learn any of this until you speak up. You don't feel powerful until you see how your words, rather than being a potential embarrassment, are in practice a potential gift to another person, a gift they want.
"You do know I like you, don't you?"
Try it.
...............................
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