A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and this guy, were not dating each other, but we hang round loads, and we always kiss and... Basically we act like were going out, but my friends all seem to hate him they say he's a player and all this stuff, but if i like him does it matter wat my friends say? My dad also tried to stop me from seeing him and tried grounding me, i dont know what to do becuz i really like this guy... But im falling out with my friends and family over him? Thanks Ameliha
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male
reader, Honest Answer  +, writes (19 May 2010):
 This is tough to answer. But lokking back on my life, it seems that my friends and family were pretty good judges. If it was only your father, I wouldn't give you this advice. But if your friends are also saying this guy is bad news, I say kick him to the curb. They probably know something you cannot and will not see with your own eyes.
Good Luck!
Jeff
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 May 2010):
 I'll tell you something, if you are letting this guy ruin your grades and school reports, you are being very very shortsighted. Your grades and school reports right now, this year and next year and the year after that, may well determine what happens in your life for the next ten or twenty even thirty years.
You could be handicapping yourself for your future, all for a guy who could be a player. That is NOT smart. If you keep up the grades and do well, you can then have many options open for your future.
As for being rude to your little brother, well, when I was dating, I always watched how the guy I was out with on a date treated the people around him. I don't mean his boss, or my friends, but the way he treated the waitress or the ticket taker at the cinema; if he was polite and respectful, I knew he was basically a nice guy. If he was rude and bossy and demanding, well, I knew I was dealing with a jerk, no matter how charming and courteous he was to me.
A guy who is mean to other people, but charming and lovely to the girl he's trying to impress and hoping to bed, is still a mean person. He's just manipulating people to get his way. THAT'S what you have to watch out for. If he's capable of being a jerk to a couple of people, guess what, he is a jerk. I don't care HOW nicely he treats you, he is a jerk to the rest of the world.
The best gift I can give you at your age is the capability of seeing someone with clear, analytical eyes and NOT getting sucked into their charming, but FAKE, impersonation of a decent person.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim 16 next week, your right i really need to think about this... My dad doesnt like the guy because he was rude to my younger brother when they first met, and dad believes that 'the guy' is making me ruin my school grades and report.
Ameliha
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 May 2010):
And how old are you? You are not in the 18-21 age range, I can tell.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 May 2010):
Generally, the people who love and care for you have your best interests at heart. So they suspect this guy isn't the most honorable or best choice as a boyfriend for you. I would pay attention, I think. If every single one dislikes him, well, something's going on there.
When you are in crush with someone, it's really hard to get past the giddy feelings to see him clearly, with an honest appraisal. I think you might not be looking at him with objectivity and that you might want to draw back a little and assess him using the information that your friends have told you about him.
It's also a good idea, for the most part, to listen to your parents. Generally parents use the grounding punishment for a reason, not just because they like having you around the house all day. So your dad had a reason, and you didn't tell us. I wonder why?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): Friends and family care about you, they wouldn't tell you to stay away from someone unless they had good reason.
I'd trust them and move on. I know it's not as easy as that but either way you're gonna find out why you should have trusted them, whether it's through a broken heart or seeing him play someone else, that's your choice.
I disagree with Accountable on one thing though, friends and family are rarely wrong on this kind of thing. That's a mistake a lot of people make, thinking that they don't know what the guy is like but it's most likely you that don't really know or see what they see because all players act really sweet and great to the person they are playing.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Now if you take a minute ( or 20) to sit back and think about what your friends and family are saying and think about WHY they are saying this. ( As in they know you, they love you, they want what is best for you, they want you to succeed and be happy... etc)
Then take a closer look at the guy. Is he really all that?
Does he treat you like you should be treated? Does he love you like you deserve? Does he respect you like he ought to?
Do you love him for him, or for what he "stands" for?
I had a BF who was the Shizzle! He was also a creep, a user, a cheater, a no good. Took me a while and some soul searching to realize that I didn't really love him and that he certainly didn't love me. To this day when I look back, I go WTF was I thinking?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice (:
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A
female
reader, Accountable +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Hi, this one is tricky. I tend to go with whatever my own heart and head are telling me, but will take what my friends/family are saying into account. Sometimes when we feel like we like someone, we become blind to their flaws and ways they could hurt us - it sounds like your friends are genuinely concerned about him playing you and you ending up with your heart broken, rather than just disliking him for no reason.
I would listen to what they have to say, but at the end of the day it is your own decision, and they could be completely wrong about him. But don't be aggressive with them, or be angry with them for trying to protect you - if things do go wrong, they'll be the ones you need around you for support. Good luck :)
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