A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, everyone. I am really confused about my feelings for my best friend and was hoping maybe you guys would help me. We became really good friends when we started university together. At first I didnt like him, just as good friends. When we became closer, I told him I was a virgin, and how I dont have any experience with guys, since I hadnt even been kissed. I know he has a lot of experience with girls, but he was really cool about my situation, not putting any pressure on me like many other people do. Then his attitude towards me changed. He started kissing me and cuddling with me. At first I was really shocked because I thought neither of us had feelings for each other... but i went along with it, and when I started to have feelings for him he told me he didnt like me that way. I felt so used and thought of him badly. Then we kept on being good friends and since I am quite forgiving I let it pass.We are really good friends so we often stay at each others houses, we watch movies together and we cuddle a lot. We have so much in common its unbelievable. We like the same music, same movies, same food..... we even share our views on life. After we kissed and made out I like him, and I cant help it :S He now knows I like him and he keeps bringing it up, so one day I told him.... so what if i like you? Yes I do.Since then he s always saying how we would make such a good couple, how we share so many things.... I think he likes me, but is afraid to admit it. Hes very sexual and I wear a purity ring, i am very certain i do not want to have sex yet. Hes really into hot girls and i dont think im ugly at all, but i am more of your girl next door kind of girl, not a supermodel from magazines. I think thats the reason he doesnt want to go out with me.Sometimes we still make out, and hes always talking about how he should have sex with me, he keeps telling me its gonna be fun. But, even though hes a great friend, I think he just wants to use me in that sense. Sometimes hes an asshole and quite rude the way he says things, when I refuse to have sex with him for example... but sometimes hes so caring and takes care of me and shares things with me.... I am just so confused about my feelings... yes I like him and I know he likes me too.... I just dont know to what degree.... but even if he really liked me, he wants to be friends with benefits and i want a relationship... what should i do?? should i keep my distance from him for a while? maybe clear my mind? we always talk about how we are really lonely.... if only he realised the girl he should be with is me :( but sometimes I think it wouldnt work just because he is too sexual. hes always telling me about how he likes this and this girl.... but then he ends up fighting with them saying they are so inmature.... and the girl who he is always with is me :S you could say we are almost a couple... we spend every single day together, and when he doesnt see me hes always calling to see what i was doing, etc. i recently met another guy who is really sweet and nice and he got really jealous about it :SThanks to everyone who read all of this... I am just so confused and i cant get him out of my mind... i know we will always be great friends.... but could we be more?? if not... should i stay away from him? being with him so much cant be very good if i cant stop thinking about him....Anyway hope it wasnt too long and thanks in advance for the help!!
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best friend, friend with benefits, jealous, kissing, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): "He is very sexual"
You sound like this is some unusual personality quirk of his, and you would be accommodating it by having sex with him.
NO! Every friggin' guy your age on the PLANET is "very sexual" but they don't all try to make girls with purity rings go against their beliefs!
Please don't react to a little bit of sexual interest as if he is somehow offering you something that another (respectful) guy is not. The respectful guys are the ones that are trying to do right by you, so reward THEM for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): I think the others have answered this well. I just wanted to point out that i found interesting that he only started to show romantic feelings towards you once he found out you were a virgin. Is he just trying to conquer something here? I hope not but be careful. You had your convictions about sex and the purity ring for a reason. Don't change your mind for anyone but yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Whatever you do, do NOT have sex with him.
If you do, you'll regret it for ever.
The fact that you're questioning it is a sign that your intuition knows he'd just not that into you.
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A
female
reader, dietcoke.1  +, writes (18 March 2011):
Heyy I think by reading this it sounds so simple maybe you havent realised. But you said you wear a purity ring is that where you dont hae sex until your married? You see if it is thats the problem he probably really likes you alot however sex is a big part of a relationship, especially if hes had sex before he will find it hard to be with someone without having sex unless he is unfaithful which he by the sounds of it wouldnt want to do to you because he cares for you a lot, even if you didnt want to have sex with him imedietly and waited until you were 100% sure its better than saying you will not have sex until you are married. thats a long time
Another issue is that he is your best friend, hes probably very worried that he will mess the relationship up and lose what he had with you in the first place.
My advice would be ditch the ring
Wait to have sex until you feel ready though !
and reasure him that everything will be okay, its better to have a go rather than think about what could of been
Good luck ! x
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (18 March 2011):
 Sorry, but this is a losing proposition for you. He likes you, yes; you're friends, yes, BUT he wants sex even more.
His desire to have sex with you has priority over everything else.
It's true that men DO respect women who respect themselves enough to say "no" when they ask for sex when you're not ready to take that step. If he continues to pressure you and persists in trying to get you into bed, it means he is thinking mainly of what HE wants, not your thoughts and feelings.
It is time to think about ending the friendship.......you said he is rude and nasty when you refuse. Eventually he'll get fed up with being told no, or YOU'LL get totally fed up with being pestered, so that the friendship will end anyway.......sorry......
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