A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm seeing this guy at the moment and weve been togerther for a month and a half. when I met him I was a virgin and I'm not nowI like him a lot but I don't have any feelings towards him. Everyone I tell says I should see how it goes and give him a chance? I know he really wants to be with me?I don't know what to do, please help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (14 November 2007):
I can't totally go along with the idea of boyfriend/girlfriend chemistry after a week, you need time to get to know each other etc. I recently went on 2 dates with a complete stranger, we both openly admitted we found the other to be wonderful company & had great fun, there was physical chemistry immediately, but both of us also said we didn't feel we were 'relationship' material, but two nights out hardly gives anyone a chance to see what another person is really like. So I still think it depends on how well you know this guy when it comes to deciding what to do.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 November 2007):
 sorry mate, but after a month or even a week you should be bang on hot for each other if the chemistry is right between you two.
Alas in this case it appears its not, so dont worry, these things happen, some people despite their good intentions, are not good matches.
When you meet a guy who you really connect with things will be different. If I was in your place I wouldn't let this drag on.
You might find he becomes a good friend instead in the future.
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (13 November 2007):
Did you know this guy before you hooked up ?. A month & a half isn't a long time if he was a complete stranger, but at the same time in my experience usually within 6 weeks I'd know whether I felt more towards a woman or not, as the initial 'fun'/novelty' has worn off by then.
Also, do you see this guy much ?. I mean if you only see him once a week then it's understandable why your feelings haven't developed, but if you see you other regularly then as I say by now I'd expect to know whether I wanted to be with someone or not, as people have shown their true colours by then. If someone needs to change drastically for you to feel anything for them more than friendship then the relationship hasn't got solid foundations.
Ultimately I think you may need to as nicely as possible explain to this guy that much as you really like him as a person for being who he is, your feelings towards him haven't developed further as you hoped & you don't want to lead him on. You might want to suggest taking a break for a week or so to give you time to work out how you feel - perhaps a week apart might make you realise you actually are attracted towards him as more than a friend, & if not then it's given both of you a chance to get used to live without the other & would make breaking up for good less painful.
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (13 November 2007):
 hey,
one and a half months isn't a very big time... so ya give it time!don't rush into anything. you will have feelings for him, and you won't even know that you do. feelings grow by time!and if you breakup with him you will see that maybe you don't love him but you are attached to him , and will miss him(he cares about you)!
if you see there isn't a chance for you to grow feelings for him then end it now!
why don't you talk about this with him and tell him what you feel!and you 2 would decide what to do next!
anyways good luck byeXXX.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 November 2007):
 You can't force feelings babe they are either there or they are not, it's up to you what you do but it might be fairer on both of you if you move on, as you could stay with him waiting for these feelings to develope and they just don't by which time he could feel really strongly about you and it will be ten times harder.
Take care.xx.
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