A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'll try to make this quick. I'm 33, I met this girl(mid 30's) who I would see occasionally at her work when I stopped by there. I'm kinda shy and she was always busy so we didn't talk much. I got her number, texted her but her responses seemed slow. I mentioned calling her but didnt know her schedule, she said call the next day, I did, she didnt answer. I left a text that I must have called at a bad time. Sent her another text the next day just saying how I understood she is busy and theres no rush, to take her time to get to know me. She replied the next day that she appreciated it but that she is going through a divorce and just moved so its rough on her to juggle work and personal stuff. I replied and said to let me know if she needed anything. Backed off, texted again about 2 weeks later asking if she'd like to take a walk (it was a beautiful day) she smiled :) said she couldnt and she was busy taking a friend to the airport. I havent texted her back, its been another 2 weeks.What should I do? I want to show her that I'm only backing off and not totally ignoring her. I dont want her to think I have lost interest but at the same time want her to take the time she needs. I was convinced that if she was interetsed, she would text me but now I'm not so sure. Is she waiting for me to text again? I dont know what stage her divorce is, or how she feels about it, or anything. I'm not trying to start dating or anything serious as I know she isnt ready, but feel we could at least talk a little here and there right? Any advice is helpful!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2013):
 I think I would bow out gracefully, before you get labelled "dense" for not "taking the hint". I think she is being polite and replying, because your work/her work overlaps somehow.
She isn't up for dating yet and you ought to respect that.
None of the replies from her that you mentioned gave off a "
I'm interested vibe" to me, seen from a woman's perspective.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies! To clarify, I'm 100% sure she was interested to some degree. Her body language spoke volumes, she gave me her number without being put on the spot about it and even replied 'it would be nice that I call her' I'm thinking she decided that she isnt ready and maybe there are even legal issues about the divorce that make it so she shouldn't be seen with me. I guess I wanted confirmation that it was okay to just not contact her anymore. As much as I want to and show support, its best to leave her be and hope that at some point she will. I'm not someone who dates or goes looking for relationships, I'm happy by myself and stay pretty busy but just happened to run into her and couldnt stop thinking about her. Thanks again!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 ...But she does want you to ignore her. She is brushing you off hoping you'll either get the hint, or lose steam and let her be. She probably should just tell you : no can do , I am not interested - but most people, women particularly,do not feel comfortable with this level of straighforwardness, and, then again, you haven't been but nice and polite to her so maybe she feels bad at the thought if hurting your feelings.
Nonetheless, I think the message is rather clear. As you say yourself, even a major turmoil does not necessarily prevents a little chat here and there - if one wants. And is she had been a bit interested , when you texted her about the walk , she would have replied, " too bad, I already have plans today,.. what about next ( Thursday or Sunday or whatever )".
Is it possible that I am wrong ? It sure is - but , in this case, she is a grown up woman, she has got your phone number, the hunch that you are into her, and your written pernission to contact you if she needs anything.
So, if and when she changes her mind, she will call you. But, I would not hold my breath in the meantime...
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 September 2013):
 She's got a lot "on her plate" right now. How about leaving her alone for at least six months?.... then, see if you don't have a "chance" encounter, at her work (how you originally connected with her)... and let THAT be your entre to see if she: 1. has any more than a polite business "interest" in you, and, 2. If she has completed her divorce, so COULD be interested in you - or anybody else...
Be patient.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 Hi, you need to stop asking her out as she is not giving you a positive answer. If is interested in you she will make some attempt. Sit back and look at this situation, you seem to be doing all the contact and she appears to be polite or just gently brushing you off. Like I said she will contact u if she wants a date.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 She has your number, if she wants to speak to you she knows how.She's got a lot going on and right now a relationship doesn't factor into her life.When I was going through a divorce, dating and new guys were the last thing on my mind.Quite frankly I wanted all men to just go away and leave me alone.When you see her at work smile and ask her how things are going, but quit asking her out and stop calling, your not good friends and she won't have anything she'll want to talk to you about because her divorce and life change is all that's on her mind and it'll be too personal to share with anyone but close family and friends.You mean well but she's either got a lot on or she's just not interested.I wish you wellAB
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