A
female
age
36-40,
*Sarax
writes:I havn't been going out with my ex now for three months, a girl split us up becaus my ex still had feelings for her whilst we were going out but insisted they were just mates. I knew about this so I was paranoid and jelous and we argued a lot. When we broke up we still saw a lot of eachother and it was like we were still together. He went away with college and she had to go aswell beacuse shes on his course at college.He promised me nothing will happen between them and that whilst hes away if he misses me we would get back together. but he needed time to "decide what he wants". When he got back he told me he kissed her. I was really mad and upset, he told me it wouldnt happen again. A month down the line he sleeps with her. I'm deeply hurt by this but just thought he did it because she was a virgin. He then says he wont see her again. Hes slept with her again last week. This is driving me mad. Hes cut contact from her now in hope that we will work on our relationship together untill he decides its right to go back out. I know I sound like an idiot to keep on seeing him but Im in love with him, I can't see myself with any one else. This is where the real problem starts. A lad in college really likes me, I've been told he's really nice and treated his ex girlfriends like gold. I'm not going to lie that I'm attracted to him aswell. He was in college yesterday and we flirted a lot. He wants to take me out sometime soon, Is it wrong to go on a date with him whilst trying to sort things out with my ex. I've explained to him the situation with my ex right now, but he still wants me. I'm scared that because I'm attracted to him that I'll leave my ex, but in a way I feel like my ex deserves it after the way he's treated me. I can't go out with this lad whilst having still having feelings for my ex, because that would be hypercritical of me after what my ex had done with that girl. I like this lad and he would be a better option for me. but i can never take my own advice and I feel like i belong with my ex. Thankyou for taking time to read this long problem, i really need advice on this, I'm thinking about going for a drink with him tommorrow. What do you think I should do? Sara x
View related questions:
broke up, ex girlfriend, flirt, get back together, his ex, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (2 July 2007):
 Hi,
As you are not with either, as a girlfreind, I dont think you need to explain anything to anyone of them. Its hard letting go because you are used to your ex, and you dont know what lays ahead of it all.
I really believe you should cut off from him for a while, to let you get yourself to-gether.
You can go out with this new guy as a friend, with a clear concience. But let him know from the start you are on the rebound and want things to go slowly with no pressure.
Get the EX out of your head, and dont hang around him hoping he will change his mind. Why let yourself be treated like this, and more to the point, why dont you think you deserve better.
You dont realise it yet, but you are already standing up to the situation. You just need to take it one step further.
Good luck and be brave XXX
A
female
reader, xSarax +, writes (29 June 2007):
xSarax is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks a lot for your advice. I did go on a date with the lad from college and hes perfect. I suppose you should say I'm stupid and just out to get myself but im at my exs now on his computer and hes downstairs.
Should I tell him I went on that date because in a way I feel guilty like I've cheated or something. Or should I carry on going out with that lad as friends but not telling my ex about it?
Its hard for me to just walk out of the 'relationship' because we are so close but I can't stop thinking about my date and don't know if I'm happy being with my ex whilst he decides what he wants.
I'd love to just forget about what happened and just move on but something in my heart is telling me to hold on to my ex. In my head I don't dwell on the emmotional pain he has put me through just all the good times and special memories we've had together, it tears me apart.
I know that the lad i went on a date with wants more from me than just friendship but I don't think I'm stable enough to offer him that right now, but I'd feel like I'd be missing out on a good thing if I broke it off.
I really appritiate your responces, please could you give me some help here again?
Sara x x x
...............................
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (27 June 2007):
 To get over your ex you need to stop seeing him and talking to him. This lad obviously didn't miss you all that much as he kissed this girl. He also obviously has no repect for you. It's not fair for you to wait around while he decides what he wants, so make the choice and walk away.
Why not accept the date with the lad at your college and see how it goes. Just don't go near your ex.
xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (27 June 2007):
Hi,
I think you should go for a drink with him.
You dont have to go down the same line as your ex, and sleep with the guy. But you do need to stop waiting around for your ex, to decide who's heart he will break. And dont forget, I bet you anything the other girl feels the same as you, and is waiting to see if he picks her or you.
Go and enjoy yourself and make a new friend, so what if you fall for this new guy and decide to stay with him. You will have done the adult thing, and not slept around behind someones back, just hoping they are daft enough to wait for you to make your mind up.
Your Ex should stay an Ex, and if the other girl has any sence, she will get rid as well.
Love yourself, and take care of what will make you happy. I dont think your EX ever will. He sounds totally selfish.
XXXXX
...............................
A
female
reader, FoxyR  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Hi,
Most people still have fellings for their ex's but to get over them you hve to find someone that distracts you from them.
You can't keep waiting for you ex to make up his mind.
I think that you should go on the date with this guy and see you two have anything in common, he might even treat you like the queen that you are.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (27 June 2007):
 You can not wait around for ever while your ex makes his mind up about what he wants from life that is not fair on you, i don't think you are wrong to go out on a date with this other lad as you are no tied to a relationship at the moment and he understands how you still feel about your ex.
It takes a while to get over someone you have been close to and sometimes seeing someone else is what helps it along.
Go on the date there is no pressure so just see how things go.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
