A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a girl at work about 6 months ago and my friend told her i was in the military cause she liked military guys.... we didnt start hanging out or talking till 3 months after that and like an idiot i kept up with the lie. we started dating and everything was perfect we were amazing together. The lie ate me up in side so i eventually started telling her about it.. I started seeing her reaction and didnt want to loose her so i only told partial truth since this is the first girl i felt like this about in 3 years since i lost my Girlfriend to cancer. She told me how lies ruined her life and she had been cheated on before by the last 2 guys and about the guy who destroyed her life with lies that is the other reason i only told partial truth. Well we got semi through that and then she found out the real truth and broke up with me. I understand it is my fault but i didnt do it for a selfish reason i didnt do it to cheat on here i did it to impress her and so i didnt loose her. i know i was stupid .. do you think there is any hope? Or anything i can do besides say how sorry i am and why i did it?
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at work, broke up, girl at work, military Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso we started fixing things and working things out .... and last nite while she was at work someone told her i heard u were single again ... and she is flipping out and trying to ruin it all again .... does this make any sense?
A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (3 December 2009):
 Well when people lie they cheat people of the truth. I doubt however that philosophy is what yu ment. If she thinks you were off with another woman and you know its not true, you just have to tell her.
If you have apologised for the lieing and she is still not swinging back to you or seeing your point of view all you can do is learn from this lesson.
HonningKanin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe is taking it like i cheated on her .. so oh well guess im screwed story of my life
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 December 2009):
 Learn from this. Don't lie to geet the girl. Don't keep lying to keep her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): I'm afraid you've betrayed her. I know you didn't do it for selfish reasons but how did you expect it to last when you were living through lies. Your relationship was based on lies not truth and since you didn't tell her the truth and she found it off someone else she will probably find it difficult to trust you again. I don't blame her. I would feel the same. I'm so sorry that you lost your girlfriend to cancer that must have been a terrible loss and now for this to happen when you just found a glimmer of hope but I'm afraid you did it all wrong. This can't be easy for her as the person she thought she liked wasn't the person she thought you were at all and the truth is she would have liked you regardless of whether you were in the military or not. You need to write her a letter or an email or even in person. Explain to her how it started and why you did it. Then you tell her how you feel about her. Then you leave her alone. If it's meant to happen it'll be if it isn't it won't. You can't keep pestering her. She deserves the privacy after this but I do think you need to tell her the truth. She deserves that much. I hope things work out for you and it'd be nice if you could both work it out but this is unlikely. All the best.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin +, writes (2 December 2009):
Newsflash hun, Lieing for personal gain is called being selfish. You lied to impress her so she would be interested in you. Thats a personal gain. Lieing so she doesn't leave you is another. You didn't lie to protect her you did it to protect yourself.
Its not a major lie and its something that, with time, could be smoothed over if you sincerely apologise. However with her past, the most you might get from her is a friendship and you should be grateful if it comes to that. You broke her trust and she rightly wants to protect herself from people who arent upfront with her. I would ask her for a second chance at her getting to know you with no strings attached and no pushing her back into a relationship. Invite her to a cup of coffee and see if she would be interested in starting again.¨
HonningKanin
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