A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I told a terrible lie to my boyfriend of 5 years.We had got in a fight and he told me that he might want our relationship to be over so i told him he was free when i didnt mean it i then also told him the next day that i had slept with someone else the night before when i had not and i later confessed that i hadn’t. Now we’re trying to work things out and he has confessed to me that my lie caused him to sleep with his best friend who was like a sister to him. I’m finding this disgusting that he could do this after i’d always been told that nothing like that would ever happen between them because they were like brother and sister. Is this how i should be feeling? disgusted? or should i really be saying that it’s my fault they slept together as he is telling me? Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2007): This guy had no right to sleep with someone just because he thought you did, he should have been more matture about the situation. But at the end of the day, when he found out you had supposdly slept with someone, he felt the need that he had to aswell, as a sign of revenge, showing that he must have felt envy or loss. He must still care for you if he acted in this way. It is decent of him to try and sort things out. I'ts not nessecary for you to be disgusted wiht him at this time, its clear that the sex with his mate was revenge.Try and focus on sorting out the relationship. Make sure you dont tell anymore lies to make him want you, it will only backfire.
A
female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (25 March 2007):
 I Agree with Dream Master; he tells it how it is. Although not what you want to hear; you should NEVER tell Lies in a Relationship; You have found this out, the Hard Way. I Don`t know where your current relationship is going, if indeed it`s going anywhere. If this dosn`t work out - Please, with your next relationship, don`t tell lies; Just try to Trust; I know that this takes time, but the rewards of Trust & Love will supercede everything else. With Love, Heather.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): You are not responsible for your boyfriends actions - he alone makes the choices in his life.
But, for all intents and purposes in his mind, his girlfriend of 5 years had cheated on him. Both girls, and guys, can go crazy when the person they love cheats on them - and many do go on to have promiscuous sex with someone else to try and relief the pain they are feeling. They do it almost to get back at that other person, to prove that they can hurt you in the same way as you hurt them.
You both have an incredible amount of work to go through to rebuild this relationship, if that is what you both want to do. You need to come to terms with what has happened, and forgive your partner and he needs to better understand you so that you never have to come out with such a preposterous thing such as saying you've cheated when you hadn't!
It's going to be a tough path, but you can both do it if that is what you both want and can both put the past in the past.
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 I am sorry for being negative – and I am sure this is one of the reasons my ‘rating’ drops… but don’t you think you are a little old to be playing childish mind games?
When I was reading your article first, I thought it was by some 20 year old, yet I was shocked to see the age of 36-40, I am hoping it is a typing error,
Ok, now that I have got that off my chest,
Yes – you were wrong to say what you did,
And yes – he was very quick to sleep with this other girl – my suspicion is that this is one of the reasons he wanted to break up with you in the first place,
I think he is bending the truth when he says he slept with that other girl because of your lie – that is basically his attempt to absolve himself of responsibility for what is really quite a heartless thing to do,
Perhaps he felt weird with this girl and it wasn’t quite what he was expecting,
So now he is trying to work things out with you,
My advice to you is that the relationship is over – he has effectively cheated on you,
(Ross quote: “We were on a break!!!”)
You are better off moving on and finding someone who treats you as if you are number 1, because it seems now like he may be just with you until something better comes along,
Don’t forget – he did want the relationship to be over before all this mess happened…
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A
female
reader, electra  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Hey sweetie
Your perfevtly right to be feeling disgusted he reassured you that nothin like this would happen between these two then it happened anyway how can you ever trust him again after that, not that i am in anyway saying that what you di to him the whole lying thing was right in anyway cause it wasn't you were just playing with his wmotions thats not on you should not lie like that, but having said all that my advice to you sweet is that he is only saying that its your fault that they slept together because he feels so guilty as he rightly should. you lying about sleeping with someone then admitting the truth should not have driven him into her bed if he loved u at all in the first place he would of sat down when you admitted lying and tried to work this whole situation out with you not go straight into her bed so whatever he is telling u ignore ok let him carry the burden of his own guilt not pass the buck on to u ok.... :o)
i hope my advice was able to help u out a little don't let him make you the bad one here ok :o) remember u stayed faithful ok... if you need a chat or a friend or a shoulder to cry on just come find me ok i'm here for u always
Take Care :o)
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