A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have a massive problem, that could screw me up and lose my best friends and the guy if i tell the truth!! I'm going out with this guy, we're getting closer and i can feel it's leading somewhere.. thing is i haven't had sex before, but i don't want to tell him incase he mentions this to his friends who are also friends with mine! But i'm ready, have been for a while actually and i know i should tell him so he's careful when we do.. but i'm worried he'll tell one of his friends.I don't want to ask him not to say anything, because then i'll have to mention that i lied to everyone at uni about it, which will be embarrassing to explain and he'll see it as me being insecure (which of course i was, but not anymore). Thing is, i planned to tell the truth before coming to university. But we were at a flat party and everyone was talking about when they first had sex and who has, NONE of them were virgins.. they even said it was weird if you were at 18/19. So of course when i got asked, everyone was looking at me and without thinking i lied and said I wasn't one either!! Regretted it ever since.But it will be so humiliating if anyone finds out that I lied and i can't face that! I don't want to tell the truth to anyone, it's too far in. So i don't know whether to end it with the guy, or tell him the truth and hope he doesn't mention it to anyone, or tell my friends I lied and the reason why? Please someone help, it seems either way what I do it won't turn out good?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SOShelp +, writes (29 May 2012):
 If you're feeling like this then it's probable that some of your friends are lying about their virginity as well. There is nothing to be ashamed of and if you feel that there is then you are not hanging around the right people.It is your body and if you don't want to have sex then fine, but you need to tell your boyfriend because if he thinks that you have had sex before then it could affect how it feels for you the first time. It could improve your relationship because he knows that you are his first.Oh, and if he tells his friends and you tell him you don't want him to then he is not worth your time. Don't be frightened of being a virgin, there is nothing to be ashamed of. In all honesty, your friends will be more hurt that you lied to them. They shouldn't care if you're a virgin or if you've had sex with hundreds of people! They are your friends and they should support you through whatever.
A
female
reader, juggydh +, writes (2 May 2012):
If this guy that your seeing is really worth it then he will understand and he wont say anything if you didnt want him to. And the same goes for your friends if you told them the truth and said why you lied to them then as friends they should understand and support you.
Theres nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age. Im 20 in july and im still a virgin! x
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Hello,
I think you should just talk with them and tell them the truth. Ask them for advice and let them know that you are sorry you kept it from them. Honestly it's not that big of a deal and if they were good friends they would understand be happy that you opened up to them. It is rather personal.
I'm sure everything will be fine and I wouldn't break up with your boyfriend over something silly like this. Don't let him pressure you though...wait until you ready. I didn't lose mine until I was 21 and at the time I wasn't ready and regretted it.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Chill out. There is no V Day by which your V Card has to be stamped.
Before sex just tell your boyfriend that you are a virgin. Tell him you lied to your friends about that and you'd appreciate him not setting them straight.
It's so amazingly clear why someone would lie about not being a virgin that your boyfriend will be cool with it. If not, then don't have sex with him, because he's an idiot :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Hi, Been there, done that!I'm 22 now and I did that when I was 20! Still didn't haven't had sexual intercourse! My friends believed me for about a month but when one ame round for college studdying they asked my Boy friend and he said the truth(no I am still a virgin) and now we r better friends than we have ever been! She knows that I have always been worried about this "stuff" and I go to her whenever I need advise. So, if your friends are as good as mine are, which Im sure they r, just tell them but make sure you do this in private so other people won't try to poke their head in! All in all, tell them. That's what I did. If your a bit worried about telling them, talk to your parents or you friends mum about it, they will also give you some good advise! Hope this helped!FromThe girl with many secrets :)
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (1 May 2012):
 Relax, calm down.
You are only 18/19, which is still very young to be losing your virginity, and I would be VERY suprised if all those who admitted to being sexually experienced in fact were. I think it is far more likely that more were fibbing just like you in order to keep up with the Joneses and appear 'cool'.
I think we have all been there where we feel we are being pressured to pretend to be something we are not in order to fit in with the social group. But there is honestly nothing wrong with being a virgin at your age!
DO NOT break up with your boyfriend. If he is worth your time and affections, he will be honoured to be your first, and he will treat you with care and love and make it special.
If he makes a fuss and thinks you are odd for being a virgin, well...... that suggests he is used to a certain type of girl and I would worry as to how many he has slept with and what he might have caught!
You are just fine, have faith in yourself and be proud that you care about your sexual wellbeing and wont just sleep with anyone!
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