A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband's brother abuses his wife, he is an alcoholic, and gets a really bad temper, but is in denial. About 7 years ago before my husband and I were married (we were just friends) my husband's brother got in my face and screamed at me and called me a f-ing bitch and almost punched me in the face because I was wrestling around w/ my husband and I accidentally hit him in the balls. He waited like 2 hours before he yelled at me though, I think he was waiting for me to be away from other people. We were at a party. I apologized and tried explaning that it was an accident, that I'd never hurt him on purpose, etc. but he would not hear me out. Last weekend, we were at his house (drinking) and my husband was sleeping and the only people awake were me, my husband's brother and his wife. I was talking to his wife outside and I told her that I didn't mean to hit my husband in the balls that night, and it set my husband's brother off. He came outside (he must have been listening from inside the house, which I didn't know) and started yelling at me again about it, saying that I thnik I can do whatever I want, and was just making me feel awful. I started crying really hard and was saying that I don't like conflict, I don't want to fight, he is my brother in law, etc. just trying to diffuse his temper and I was crying the entire time. His wife took me in the house and she said "see what I deal with" The next morning I took a taxi home instead of having them drive me to my car, and my husband's mom asked why and all I told her was that he went off on me for no reason. Well, she told my husband's brother that I said that, and he texted my husband and it said "so your wife snaps saturday night and tells mom that it was me" I don't know how to handle this. We know he has abused his wife, and I am scared of him because for some reason he hones in on me to pick on. My husband has not talked to him or texted him back. We have 2 little kids, so we can't completely avoid him at family get togethers. He blames his wife for things that are his fault, tries covering up the abuse, and he is turning this situation around to make it look like my fault. He tries to act perfect in front of his parents, so I think he is probably very mad that I told his mom he went off on me. I am afraid to see him at the next family function. I know that trying to talk to him or having my husband try to will not help b/c he will just act like it was my fault. What can I do? I don't want him to get away with it, and make his family think it was my fault, but I don't want more problems within the family. I would really appreciate other people's opinions.
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female
reader, helpful person  +, writes (27 August 2009):
you have been told by t.v for years people can be killed in these kind of relationships if you care about this person help them get away fast
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): hello. sorry to hear such a problem, its hard when you want something sorted out but you're worrying how it will effect the environment around you. well i would say that you need to tell you're husband everything, and his mom too. and then u need to get them to try and speak to the brother, make him see that he needs to change. he may have some sort of anger issue and need counselling, if he abuses his wife or has done in the past then he obvously has a problem. if this is the case, there are plenty of websites or places you can go to about it for help. ill happily find some for you? but in the mean time, you shouldnt have to worry about going to a family gathering because he might be there, that isnt fair. so the first step is get someone to talk to him. someone he knows and will maybe open up to. im sure, no matter how it seems, that no one really falls for his perfect act. sorry if this advice is a bit broad, its hard to be accurate in these sort of situations. let me know how it goes though. AAJ.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): It was not him I kneed in the balls, it was his brother, my current husband..
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