| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I met someone from online a few weeks ago..we spoke and texted a week before that as well. I was fine with him signing onto the dating site until recently..we basically have been out 5 times. I already met his father, roommate, cousin. We spent the 4th out together. It seems like things are headed in the right direction and he sees me as a potential girlfriend but I am still cautious of course. I have stayed over there just because of our different schedules and he doesn't live very close. We haven't done anything too physical yet. I take sex seriously and I don't want to get attached too quickly and then get hurt. The thing is he didn't sign on the site for a few days which is a good thing but i think it had more to do with him being busy. He signed on earlier this morning. It just makes me feel bad even though it's still early with us dating. But I also know the physical stuff is going to get in the way eventually. I basically just told him last time it's too soon and didn't give any other reason. It is too soon but it's not the whole truth. Should I tell him I really don't feel comfortable going further since we both have our online dating profiles up? I don't want to get hurt seeing us sign online after having done something like that. I didn't want to ask to be exclusive so early on or scare him off but I feel like he should know that I really don't want to sleep with him when he is still wanting to check his mail etc... What should I do? Do I ask him to remove it?
View related questions:
cousin, roommate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 I am not sure if I read this correctly, but here is what I am reading. You like this guy and have been out with him a few times. You don't know if it is serious yet, but you are treating like it is serious because you don't want him checking his mail unless it is for you only.
That is what I hear you saying.
First, I agree that he could have been checking to see if you were on your mail. Second, if it is not that serious yet, why are you passing judgement on him when he is just checking his mail? Like Cerburus said...you are still checking yours. What's wrong with that? You are not an exclusive couple. Third, don't have sex until you're ready to have sex with someone. That includes this guy. If he pressures you (it doesn't sound like he has so far), you tell him you want an exclusive relationship to have sex with someone. But, even saying that, you must be realistic and know that some people will agree to that and then not follow through.
I think if you want to be his girlfriend, not just his "potential girlfriend" then you should say so. You should tell him you really like him and you would like to see him exclusively and what does he think about this. From there you can talk about why his dating profile is still up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Have you seen this horrid show Millionaire Matchmaker? It's awful , but the girl actually has a good saying " No sex unless you are on a committed monogamous relationship" Honestly, if you are looking for a relationship with this guy it is sound advice. You are not on a serious ground with him, so he keeps his profile up. Just tell him, you are not into hook ups, and that sex to you is more important. If he leaves you for that he does not deserve you, but if he is worth your time he will respect you more for it. Wait from him to ask to be exclusive , if he is into you he will ask you and you can THEN both talk about removing both your profiles.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): "He signed on earlier this morning. It just makes me feel bad even though it's still early with us dating."
Don't you have to be signed on to see if he is signed on? Why would it make you feel bad when you too are doing it, who knows maybe he's only checking to see if you signed on as it seems you sign in more often than him.
OP the best way to deal with this situation is honesty, just tell him sex stuff for you it needs to be exclusive. You're not saying you want to be exclusive now you're just saying that's how you do things. It's not a big deal, it's not like you're going to tell him you have a penis or something, just tell him.
...............................
|
