A
male
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anonymous
writes:Left my wife of 15 years because we grew apart and it seemed like we just wanted different things in life. The thing is, my wife has always been painfully shy. Always hates crowds, or parties or bars. I live for the crowds and the parties and the bars so she's always let me go without her, which was nice of her, but after awhile I started meeting like-minded women and didn't look forward to going home. My wife and I hardly ever talked about anything meaningful, my wife never had anything to contribute to the conversations I'd bring home about work or my stress so our verbal interactions were pretty one-sided. She'd listen but never give me any feed back or opinion. The sex was without passion and sometimes I avoided it and wondered if I was even attracted to her anymore. We eventually became like roommates and then we split up but didn't divorce. My wife said she'd wait for me go to through my "phase" but I met someone else and don't know if it's a phase or not. Now I'm with this woman (Titiana) who totally turns me on. She's beautiful, passionate, hot-tempered, high-maintenance; We fight about everything, we have amazing sex, she tells me everything; all her hopes and dreams, her fears her problems and I feel completely connected to her, even though she can be bitchy and mean sometimes and I rarely feel respected. Sometimes I wonder if I should just go back to my wife and try to make things work. My wife was always such a sweetheart, she just bored me to death. But with this new woman, I don't know if we'll ever have a future together. I love her madly, I can't imagine my life without her, yet I cannot imagine myself growing old with her, the way I did with my wife. What's happening to me? I am so confused. My friends say it's a mid-life crisis, but I think it's more than that. I married my wife at a young age (18) so she's all I've ever known. Titiana is everything wordly and exciting that I've been missing out on and I am torn about getting a divorce or staying married and re-committing myself to someone I'm not sure I love. My life feels like a roller-coaster. Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): well do yourself and your wife a favour and head straight for the divorce courts. your wife has wasted 15 years with you already, she should not wait a moment longer to be free from you. you can have your wildcat and any amount of affairs you want, just release your wife so that she can move on and find a loving , caring husband who will accept her for who she is. no drama, no fuss, just do the right thing and allow her a chance of happiness. that is if you are not totally and utterly selfish. you may not value or respect your wife but i am sure another man will. so please release her to find herself. good decent women are hard to come by, she will be snapped up in an instant and well, you, your wildcat is entitled to you.
A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 When one has tried all that is reasonable, there is no other course than to move on...
... I suggest you move out of your wife's home, be the kind of man who can stand on his own two feet, and find a lady who is the best of both worlds (stable AND fun).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTruthfully I've asked my wife many, many times to tell me what's on her mind. She just shrugs and says "Nothing." I've asked her opinion on things. I've waited for her to open up. Can women be the strong silent type? I've even suggested she get counseling, find out if she's manic or depressed. (She doesn't seem to be). The salsa lessons, definately out, she wouldn't be caught dead. And forget the silhetto's she can't stand heels. She's not into flashy clothes, crowds, or trying new things. She eats the same foods every week. She doesn't like spicy foods, or trying new things. She's not into the theater, or the ballet. She'll go if I purchase the tickets, but I can tell it's not her thing and she doesn't really seem to appreciate or enjoy things like that. The reason I married her?....She seemed nice. She takes care of me but over time I've come to realize that's just not enough. I want someone I can experience life with! I don't want to sit on the sidelines and watch it go by. Thanks for your advise. I welcome any more comments anyone has to make. This has been a difficult road for both of us.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): It sounds to me like you took your wife for granted and did not appreciate all that you had. Unfortunately it is such a common story these days...I wouldnt take you back if I were her; she deserves someone that can appreciate the beautiful person that she is. Suck it up buttercup!
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (14 September 2009):
Here are a couple of really radical ideas:1) Maybe NEITHER of them is for you, and you should look for someone new who is the best of both? Think about it… There are actually women who are loyal, caring, respectful, daring, bold, sexy, exciting, responsible, intelligent and wise. I know, RADICAL idea, right? ?2) Maybe your shy and quiet wife could become more interesting if you include her in activities you enjoy. They don't have to be clubbing or bar-hopping (that is a rather empty existence once you've done it for a while, anyway). Maybe you could take her to the theatre, socializing with friends over nice dinners, take up sailing, salsa dancing or something else....Anyone would be more exciting if they left the home once in a while. When we cocoon ourselves in our everyday lives, we can not overcome our shyness.Perhaps you will discover she has better qualities than Titiana. Perhaps she is a well-grounded and funny woman and all you needed to do was invest some time in her so she felt comfortable enough to shine.Everyone has hopes and dreams. I have to wonder why she would not have felt comfortable sharing them with her husband of 15 years.Have you ever asked her? Have you spent your fifteen years rattling on about what YOU think and feel without creating an environment where she could speak without judgement or fear of having her ideas dismissed and/or rejected?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2009): and so another one leaves the other half, because the grass was greener. the mistress will not look so great a few years down the line, the tiresome arguing and high maintenace will be the mother of all borings.
it seems to me that you left a diamond for a lump of glass
how are you going to feel when this lump of glass leaves you (and she will) and the diamond you had is snatched up because some man sees just how rare a woman like that is these days?
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A
female
reader, juliaash123  +, writes (14 September 2009):
im really not an expert in relationships but i think it all has to do with what do you really want? it doesnt all necessarily have to do with your feelings but honestly what do you want in your future? Who keeps you going? whos the one that supports you, loves you, helps build the person that you are for the better? what do YOU WANT? (by the way this new girl may be exciting for now but its a big risk to take.) if you still love your wife you should try and fix things and maybe spice things up.. i mean why else did you marry her in the first place?
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A
male
reader, bouncer  +, writes (14 September 2009):
Your wife sounds like a dream to me. You had the best of both worlds . Sweethearts are very rare they maybe a little boring at times but they make great soulmates. If i was you my friend i would beg my wifes forgiveness and then treat her like a princess for the rest of her life
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