| A ,
anonymous
writes: I am 47 and have 2 children one 18 and one 14. Three years ago I fell in love with another woman. I left my husband and two children for her. I saw my daughters at least 4 times a week but obviously my ex hates me.3 years on, my eldest will not talk to me and my youngest will not stay at our house. I have therefore left my partner and have moved into a flat and have seen my youngest daughter nearly every day... but I ache for my partner and wish I did not love her. I am scared of losing another daughter but the pull is so strong... what do I do?
View related questions:
fell in love, moved in, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, audrey +, writes (20 June 2005):
nordicbeauty you think she should take time out from her family. what about her daughter: are you a mother ? you must be a daughter & how would you feel if your mum took time out from you to be with another woman ask yourself this ? lovers will come & go but your flesh & blood should never be rejected
A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (20 June 2005):
 Get yourself therapy for why you were willing to put anyone above your children. After time, invite your daughters to join you so that you can get that relationship right first.
There is no need to allow older children decide your life but please be sensitive to how they must feel. They need to know that you love them and will do whatever you can to be a good mom. What they should not be able to do is guilt you into turning the relationship upside down where they have the power to blackmail you and you cannot do your job as their mom.
If you decide to see your partner, I would wait for the smoke to clear, but tell her that you need to repair a few relationships first. If you do start up with her again, there should be no need to mesh your lives so quickly. See her when your kids are not there and expect that to be the case for now.
After trust is rebuilt with your girls, and they feel your love they may come around and accept the rest of you. For now though, spare them that. No kids want to deal with moms love life and they should not have to.
Good luck!
...............................
A
reader, robinlovescena +, writes (20 June 2005):
 i think that your children should come first. you brought them into this world, and you want to get them out without them hating you for the rest of the time that you have living. i know that you are in love with with this person, but if it was really meant to be, then love will find a way. but untill then, you should focus on what your kids want. they want a mother that is single, so give them one. they want a mother that is desired for them and not on some other chick all of the time. so i would look into that. good luck~Robin~ aka advice gurl
...............................
A
reader, NordicBeauty +, writes (20 June 2005):
Same sex relationships can cause tension within a family, but if you truly love this woman, you must not compromise.You need to set boundaries with your family.Continue to assure them that you love them, but they also need to love you back...by respecting your choices !Perhaps some day, one of your children will choose a same sex relationship & I'm sure you will support their choice.They need to know that you have THE RIGHT and THE FREEDOM to choose who you want to be in love with.If they do not respect your choice of mate, then I would suggest a "time out" from your family.In time, they will miss you and want to visit.Then they will see how HAPPY you are & want to share in that happiness by being a part of your life..in every way.You should not be forced to reject your Lover, in order to be accepted by your family...they are being selfish & demanding by expecting your life to revolve around them.Finding true love is Rare..if you found it...Celebrate it !
...............................
A
reader, audrey +, writes (19 June 2005):
I really feel for you but as a mother you should put your daughters first as they need you no matter how old they are try to build bridges with your oldest it will come alright and love & cherish your baby cause that's what she is you will feel better for it knowing you have done the right thing & your lover should understand as for when there older they may accept your choice of partners and all will be wellTake care
...............................
|
