A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If you have lashed out on the guy that you have recently dated, sent unending emails and smses because they are not giving you attention. Then they dump you and now you feel stupid, childish and regret, what could be the next step a person take.The guy is just not saying anything, he is keeping quiet and i am also painfully keeping quiet, but sometimes I want to call him and ask stupid questions.Please help...any chance of talking a person whom you have dated for 2 months out into a strong relationship. When he doesnt respond could it be he has got pride or does he feel scared by my too serious reaction and plenty sms that justify/ explain my feelings.I feel like if he really cared about me he would have at least tried to listen to my concerns or to try to not do the things he does like switching his phone off at night. I suspect he is seeing other women Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): You have got to back off. You are expecting way too much too soon. You've both only dated for 2 months! He's viewing this as the 'getting to know you' phase. And he's right. You have overwhelmed him. You are behaving like you want to get married...tomorrow! You have specific, very unreal expectations of how you want to be treated this early in the game. And if he doesn't comply...you get upset. He's staying quiet because you are likely scaring him off. You are coming off as needy, desperate and a bit nutty. I feel he might be thinking you are a tad "off the wall' for sending him all these emails and text messages. Lay low for awhile..let him call you. Don't be hard on yourself if this doesn't fly...learn from this experience.
In the future, always, always keep your cool, you have to get to know him and the only way is to take the risk and not allow fear to rule your rational thought...use your head! This is where your strength/ independence come into play. This is where maturity, a happy, bright, fun positive attitude, self-love and confidence come into play. If you have that, you will always know that no matter how this turns out, you kept your wits and dignity about you.
I view dating as a form of shopping around, at any age. It's does not necessarily always become 'exclusivity'. Stay calm and stay real especially in the first 6 months of a relationship. I suggest you enjoy his company but always remain mature, dignified, gracious and honest. A guy will take note of that about you. Understand any type of healthy relationship, includes a close friendships based on trust, respect and caring. But you build towards that...you can't rush this process.
Don't act needy or desperate for any man's attachment. This is an incredible turn off to men. Be a cool headed girl. Make him work damn hard for you dear because, you are worth it and he will pursue. He needs to get to know you as a person, he needs to see your inner beauty, get to know your personality. Smile always, be happy, charming but be dignified. Always, carry yourself with class. You can't lose if you allow him to see those wonderful qualities in you. Remember thatin the future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): O.K first of all what made you get this way over a man? Stop think about the situation, how have you let it get this far why did you lash out?
Whatever the reason right now you have to Stop and think about you. Dating shouldn’t be this painful you must be feeling rejected and I think you are aware no balanced woman would behave this way I am not putting you down I’m just saying you may need help, and possibly a therapist of some kind,
Men are not councilors you’re looking for comfort in the wrong place there are people who can help not a man you dont yet know well enough to call your soul-mate
,
Keeping quiet is the best option stay away from him, and get help with these emotions and learn to play the game before you jump into dating again, its tough you have to feel at your best to get the best results and be successful in meeting your new partner and you sound like your needing from men what you should be giving to yourself so give it,
Learn to be your own best friend now find a new hobby meet new people it may sound like a cliché but it’s the only way you’ll get rid of your feelings of neediness and take away some of the time off your hands your seeming to find to constantly e-mail and text this Man,
Just take it one day at a time and remember the answers sometimes lay in self- help dating books so you should invest in one of those
Good luck Luv
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 He may be feeling a bit stalked and not want to hear from you anymore. It sounds like you were a bit too intense on him! Also, since you broke up with him, he is a single guy and is free to see whatever other women he wants to see. You are not a couple anymore! You want to get back together, he may or may not.
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A
female
reader, Helen Help! :)  +, writes (22 May 2007):
 Hey I guess it was just a little too much a little too quick for him. Men like there space and everytime there away from you they dnt like it if your constantly texting them. Sounds like hes panickd and felt rushed he probabaly did care about u alot but thought things were too fast you could try apologising and sayin im sorry if i was rushin are relationship we were getting along so well and now ive spoilt it ill stop the constant txts and neverending emails but i jus got carried away i guess because i liked you so much it was jus exciting for me but i understand you need your space as well im sorry again. jus try something like that it cant hurt hell see u realised you were a liddle hasty and itll probably make u feel less stupid about it too. Good Luck :) i hope it all works out for you but if not and ive been tellin this alot lately then hes not worth your heart
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (22 May 2007):
 You have to realize that everyone has things going on in their lives. It's possible that he lost someone, or that something caused his life to take a turn for the worst. He may be trying to spare you of feeling bad with him, or maybe he needs to deal with something alone. Before you place judgement on him, ask around, and see if you can find out if anything bad is going on with him. You may find a deeper reason. Slow down on the messages and phone calls. If I were in his boots, I would feel pressured and closed in. Give it time.
DV1
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