A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel terribly trapped in my marriage of 13 years and don't know whether I should go all out to get out of it now or just accept that I am where I am and see where things go. I feel the latter is just like giving up on life but have so little support to do anything else. I met my husband at age 15 and was married to him at age 21. We have never really had a great sex life and it has been non-existent for 6 or 7 years. I had a brief affair which I regretted deeply but realise now I was seeking emotional fulfilment which of course you don't get from that. My husband can be emotionally cold, cruel in his comments and has on occasion hit me - once he broke 3 of my teeth. As these types of arguments are few and far between I tend to get over them and time heals. His family have disliked me from the outset and put me down and do not speak to me now as I have pursued a career rather than had a family. My husband accepts them treating me like this and sits on the fence. The things that keep me trapped are finances / security ( I am now not working and about to start a course) and that my husband is not always bad - and also the backlash from my family who are very traditional and will give me a hard time. I feel very lonely and go round in circles and don't know whether my problems are just every day ones or bad enough to leave. If anyone has been in a similar situation or can provide a yardstick I would be so grateful for any help.
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female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 The first thing I think of is....it doesn't matter if he hit you once every blue moon...the point is he did and he does and it is wrong. (and still will for that matter) NO ONE deserves to be treated as you have been. This is NOT normal and you may see this as because you have known only him all your life and then married him. As far as his family is concerned, they to probably have the same "issues" as he does...don't worry about them. Worry about yourself! Sex should be between two people who really love each other, and I don't think he does love you, I think he just uses you when he see's fit. He does not sound like he is a caring man at all and nor towards you. If I were in your shoe's, I would work on divorcing him. And only you will know how you will be able to handle it and what you will need to do to get through...but you can do it. Financial problems or not, whether there is a will, there is a way. Since you do not have any children with him, this is your perfect opportunity to move on and eventually, meet someone whom you will be so happy and in love with and who will love you for you.
Best of Luck to you!!!
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (22 May 2007):
 If your husband isn't willing to go to bat for you with his family, there's a major problem here. Sex is almost a requirement in marraige. If a partner is being satisfied on all levels, then they should get out while they can. In this case, you need to leave, and find someone who is going to treat you well.
DV1
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