A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm hurting so bad, i dont know what to do!!!! I'm married with twins, but my marriage is a disaster and have wanted to get out but just dont know how to go about it. We've been married for 15 years but he has let me down big time. He has borrowed thousand from me, loans in my name and has got me into debt by not paying back money. We dont go out he doesnt help with the kids, he does nothing but work work work and spend money on a house he is building abroad, money that we cannot afford (He was my first love)I met a guy at work two years ago,we had an instant attraction he had a girlfriend. I liked him so much we got on so well, plus I got the feeling he liked me too, but I did avoid telling him. I felt that it was bad as I was married and he had a girlfriend plus there is an age gap (im 12 years older than him). After six months of working there the job ended(it was a fixed term contract). We kept in touch via facebook, he got married to his girlfriend as she was carrying his child.After six months I got another job and invited my old work mates for drinks, he only showed up. We went to a club we drank a bit and ended up kissing on the dance floor, I then told him i liked him, he told me he liked me too, we fooled around. We then met every month, the last time at a hotel, he seemed a bit distant. I then asked him why he was so distant and he said he liked spending time with me but at the end of the day even though he and his wife were having problems he would try and try again only because he didnt want his son to grow up without a father just like he did and would like us to be good friends.In the meantime during the two months after the hotel, the exchange of emails and calls reduced and he only replied to my facebook messages, I was always the first to contact him and he would go out with my ex workmates (without inviting me, I found this out on facebook, that really hurt) I used to be invited. I would call him, he would seem pleasant on the phone and would always say he loved talking to me and he liked me alot. Once we ended the conversation with me asking him to behave himself, he said if I behave myself I will never see you again, I said maybe we shouldnt see eachother, he said noone could stop me seeing you and cut me off. The problem is I LOVE HIM, I haven't seen him in three months. The last chat on facebook we had a conversation I blew it, he asked me where I was going at the weekend I said to a football match with my twins, he asked me with who? I said with a mystery man why as a joke (as I thought we were friends) He cut me off lineI tried telephoning him for an explanation or to explain, he never picked up, so I sent him a text saying Im sorry it has to be this way, but I get the picture I will leave you alone, I will never contact you again, I never heard from him. Four days went by I never heard from him, so I did contact him via text to ask him why he did that and I was joking on line and i dont deserve him cutting me off like that but could we clear the air and remain friends. Never heard anything.Went on line he was there, he replied and said that he was annoyed with me, didnt want to talk about it and we both needed space from eachother. I called him up he answered I explained that I sent the text because he was not replying to my calls, but I understood if he didnt want to talk about. He said I was immature, that he did feel for me, but not now, it wasnt the first time and I needed to control my feelings and there was no excuse and he will contact me when he was good and ready! I told him I never meant to hurt him by sending that text, that I would always be there for him and I love him, he said nothing.I then go on line to find out he has added on his information that he is happily married. I feel that he has done that to hurt me, but feel that if it makes him happy then so be it.I feel so hurt, Im in so much pain I just dont know what to do. I have exams in a few days and I just cant concentrate because Im always thinking about him. I know what we did was wrong, but I cannot control who I love. Would I ever get over this hurt, do you think he will ever contact me again and if he does do you think we could ever be friends?
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at work, debt, facebook, immature, kissing, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 You can control who you love. You can.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 I think before you start trying to fix this relationship you have to fix your marriage, I think you have forgotten that you are married.
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A
female
reader, pollina  +, writes (3 June 2010):
you should stop thinking of him..if you hurt so much then why would you want to have something with someone who doesnt care for you...he used you and he was only looking for a reason to cut you off..move on with your life..if your husband doesnt make you happy then leave him,,you are a strong woman who can make it on your own..maybe mister right is still looking for you..and what you see as love is really just the need to have someone beside you...good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 June 2010):
Girl, he knew you were in pain and used you. You need to let this guy go and get your own life back on track. Get out of your marriage, which is a disaster, and focus on yourself and your child. You've been used.
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