A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really don't know where to start...i met a guy a year back- he has just broken up with his girlfriend at the time..he made me feel good (i am a very pretty girl- he is also good looking- but we connected at a different level), the first guy who i really opened up to sexually. He was still seeing his girlfriend at the time and he eventually told me that he was going back to her...- i dealt with it.Then 3 months later he was back into my life, he had split with his ex again. I wasnt with anyone, i was so sure i wasnt to fall for him again- and i did. We go on so well, i met his family (they still care for me). He told me he wasnt ready for a gf several times, however i eventually forced him into one. A month back i found out that he was still speaking (on the phone to his ex- who was very mean to him and is horrible looking)- he cried, got me back and said i am the best thing to happen to him....anyhow about 3 weeks ago he was actin weird- and i comfornted him, got a text he was to send to another girl (he was cheating)- his brother also comfirmed it (the girl is not good looking, she makes him laugh and gives good blow jobs apparently). Again he cried to me, said he needed space work things out- but space worried me. We used to speak everyday and it was hard. Anyhow eventually i said i did not want contact and kept changing my mind- this led him to say that he was not ready for a girlfried yet....and now he wants us to meet (and have sex)- he says that this way there may be a possibilty of a relationship- i love him unconditionally to this day but its killing me.....i know what i should do- but why cant i do it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Hi, well i have to say that you got with him under circumstances which did not indicate that he wanted to be in a relationship and also that he clearly still liked his ex as he went back to her.
Now you have unsurprisingly found out that he is cheating on you because he made it pretty clear from the start that he didnt want to be in a serious relationship with you.
Now for the hard bit, you state a few times that you are both good looking although you feel you got below surface level and opened up to him sexually. However looks does not mean that you are going to have more of a connection with somebody nor did it ever mean that he would not be tempted by another girl.
I dont think it matters to him what the other girls look like because he is not looking for anything serious with them and sadly for you he isnt with you either. You have already said your an attractive girl and yes you may very well be on the outside. But im hearing someone who has low self esteem and doesnt really believe in herself, why? because you repeatedly put down other girls, saying they are ugly compared to you and because you are seriously considering seeing him on the condition he uses you as a sex toy. Fine if you want it to be that way but truth be known you dont as you feel much more for him than he does for you. Hunny he is using you and you are worth much more than this, be as confident as you are in how you look with your inner feelings and have the strength to let this man go, he cheated with you o someone else and he is now doing the same to you, he will not change.
His looks will not last forever and your mutual good looks does not automatically make you a match, move on and be happy with a man who wants to be with you and chooses to be and i guarantee you will be far ahppier than what you are now, best of luck x
A
female
reader, ilaila  +, writes (25 January 2010):
The way people look on the outside is obviously irrelevant because this guy is very ugly on the inside and I can't understand why you would even consider for a minute a purely physical relationship with him when he doesn't care about you. He's cheated on his ex-gf (he was with you and still seeing her) and then when you finally got him in a relationship he cheated on you with his ex (role reversal) and now he doesn't want a commitment but just sex and is dangling that like a carrot in front of you because he knows that you want a relationship with him so badly that you would consider it. He would get what he wants out of the situation and what would you get - - You would get hurt - over and over again because you want more than he's willing to give you and he has a proven track record of being a bad guy. You deserve better than this, better than him. I just hope that you're smart enough to realize that and get away from him. I would love to hear from you when you're in a relationship where the other person genuinely cares about you. There is someone out there like that - it's not this guy. All the best -
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