A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok. I am in need of some good advice. From both men and women, if possible...My current situation: I am engaged. Living with my fiance. She's the woman I love and adore. I know I will always feel this way for her. It's more of my problem than hers really. It's a bit embarrassing but I will try to be detailed. We have sex regularly. 2 to 3 times a week. Sometimes 3 to 4 times a week. I hope this is regular! lolThe past month though I find myself well, finishing too early. It's not horribly early, as in 1 or 2 minutes. But halfway through if you could say that. Or sometimes just a bit too early before she climaxes. Its happened about 3 or 4 times these past two months and when it does happen I feel horrible about it. I feel as if I didn't satisfy her. She never gives me trouble about it and shes actually amazingly understanding but still. I can't help but feel I didn't do my job as a man. If it were up to me we would wait a couple of minutes or hours and go again but she says it doesn't work like that for her. That its not the same.So when I feel it is going to happen I pull out and just kind of lay there or sit there trying to not let anything touch it but the sensation from the breeze or something happens and pop. So can anyone give me good advice on how to avoid this? Or tips on how to notice it sooner? Any advice actually would help.I have noticed it happens more often when I go without sex for more than a day. If I wait 2/3 days without sex or more and when I do make love with her it feels so much better but also makes me finish early! I'm sure you can see how frustrating this is.The type of guy I am, i start having crazy thoughts. Maybe she looks back and thinks what a good sex life she had with her past boyfriends, etc...I can't help but think to myself, "She probably never went through this with her ex's." "I'm such an idiot..." Etc...Does this happen to anyone else? If so, how do you deal with it? Get over it?Any advice would help. Thanks!P.S. to make things worse I told her all the crazy thoughts I was thinking and going on and on about my emotions and acting mad/sad at the same time. I know this only makes it worse for her. Uncomfortable and unacttractive but I can't help it. She also told me it would happen with her ex's but that they didn't seem to care that they finished early and she didn't. They would just stop having sex when the guy was done and that was it. Whether or not she did. She said she loves me more because I actually care if she is satisfied or not. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Intercourse is the only way she likes to orgasim. I know I can do it orally. I have gotten her extremely close but she always makes me stop and finish her with intercourse. She likes it more.So when this problem happens she doesn't want to finish any other way.But the masturbation is a good idea. It's just hard to know hours in advance sometimes if you are gonna have sex or not. But maybe just once a day to keep my juice from stocking up! Thanks to all!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): This happens to my fiance too sometimes, especially when we haven't had much sex. Ok it's not what you plan but it's not the end of the world. And if he does come before me then he always fingers me or whatever until I come too. Stimulation of clitoris and g-spot is a good combination and doesn't need to involve your penis, if you see what I mean. Can your girlfriend only come through intercourse? If you can find another way it can be really useful sometimes.
Please though, don't beat yourself up about it.vmaybe try masturbating a little while beforehand if you are worried aobut it, and see what happens. I'm sure your gf understands. Don't make it a big deal. You sound like a caring and considerate lover and she will appreciate that.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (25 January 2010):
The best lovers live by this rule: she comes first. If you can figure out that your love making does not simply revolve around your penis and can involve her breasts, her clitoris, her G spot etc., then you can solve this problem. Try discover which parts of her body are her erogenous zones. Women can often come from vaginal sex, oral sex and boobs. If you can patiently but lovingly and enthusiastically learn to give her an orgasm before you have the final sex act then it will be just as good for her. Oral sex has to be very wet with no teeth or rough pulling on her bits, just wet licking and occasionally very gentle sucking. If you can make her come then you will be the best she's ever had.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): Yes it happens lots! Pinktopaz has the answer. Masturbate and you will last longer. Or there are condoms that have a special lube inside that will make you last longer. Or you could look into tantric sex as that teaches you how to last longer, so i believe. The main thing is.....nont to worry about it too much if your gf is happy. Worrying will only make it worse.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (25 January 2010):
play with this to your advantage. Have her bring you off manually or orally, then pleasure her orally or manually, then when you've both recovered have intercourse. Odds are good you'll last longer, she may be able to cum and you'll both have had a good time.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 January 2010):
Well past boyfriends that I have that were good and nice enough, like you, to care would sometimes masturbate before sex. Maybe not like moments before, but maybe in the shower in the morning or at night before we went to bed that way they could last longer.
It sounds like before you used to be able to wait for her to finish, but lately you've been having trouble? Maybe you're just psyching yourself out? Anyway, that's the advice that I have. And don't feel bad about telling your girlfriend that stuff, she appreciates that you care, since a lot of guys just suck and figure that it's not a big deal or flat out don't care.
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