A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HiI really need some male opinion on this, I was friends with this guy 3 years ago we started having sex without admitting that we were in a relationship which was what we both wanted at that time ( though it seemed like we had feelings for each other), we had some sex problems which I take like 90% responsibility of, it ended in him leaving me without any break up speech cuz we were not dating :\ Few months ago he started texting me casually but after some time he started to talk about having sex again, as I was willing to make up to my previous mistakes I had sex with him (though we were not close enough); definitely I sound like a whole idiot but I thought if he was only looking for sex he wouldn't come to me after all those problems. Well we didn't end up having a good time and I can't figure out the reason ; anyway afterwards I throw a party birthday party , he showed up and was really kind and cool but after that he started acting distant I tried to text him and talk to him but he just wasn't interested in talking. I know for sure that any problems we have even if they are sexual can be solved but I don't know if it's right to talk to him right now and also I'm not sure that's the reason why he is acting distant. Help me please, what's going on? I know it's stupid but I like him, what should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2017): This is a case of someone catching feelings, while the other was just in it for the sex. You assumed because he was always ready and willing to have sex, an unspoken relationship existed. Your bad, he was just in it for the sex.
You are trying to force him to admit there's something more there. He's distant because there isn't.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 Let him go?
The sex wasn't great and THAT is the ONLY reason he contacted you again - to get some sex. Which is why he is now distancing himself again.
There is NOT point in bending over backward for this guy OR chase him - he isn't interested, sorry.
I agree with Auntie BimBim - block his number so he can "suck" you back in if he hits another dry spell.
Find yourself a guy who WANTS to BE with you, not just be a place where he parks his penis occasionally.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (28 January 2017):
 You want more than he does and ignoring that will prolong the issue. He doesn't want a relationship with you - please stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (28 January 2017):
 He definitely doesn't want a relationship so what are you wanting to solve?
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 January 2017):
 And this is the reason "friends with benefits" arrangements don't really work long term - because the people involved have different expectations and different agendas.
You very obviously want a proper relationship with his guy (I bet you went along with the original arrangement because that is all that was on offer, not because it is what you really wanted). He, on the other hand, wants a bit of casual sex occasionally.
I have no idea what your "sex problems" were but, if they involved you doing something you were not comfortable with doing because it was what HE wanted, then that was not YOUR problem.
Do you really think you are not worth more than this guy is offering? All he seems to be offering is occasional sex when he has no better offers. Please realize you deserve better. You deserve someone who will treat you well - in and out of bed - and will spend time with you and show you affection on a daily basis, not just when he wants sex.
Next time he contacts you (as I don't hold out much hope of you actually blocking him at this stage as you are still so infatuated with him), have the strength to say "no thanks" to him. I PROMISE you, you will feel so much stronger and more in control of your life for doing it - even if, initially, it will hurt.
Please be kind to yourself and don't let this guy use and abuse you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 January 2017):
 You say that you know for sure any problems can be solved, but I don't think the main problem can, because you are looking for a relationship and he simply wants to have sex with you ... any problems you feel may still exist don't bother him because he is only looking for sex, not resolution nor a relationship. He simply doesn't care.
You ask what you should do, only you can decide that, but my advise is to block his number, don't take his calls, block him on all social media, while you are concentrating on trying to hold this man close you there are other possibilities and opportunities slipping right through your fingers.
Let go of him and then your arms will be ready to embrace the sort of relationship you deserve, one of dignity, mutual respect and shared values.
Good luck!
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