A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Alright so I was in what you might call a reationship. I dont considering partly through it I figured out she didn't like me. I started dating her while on vacation in south Florida. We talked and found out she wanted to move up to NC about 4 hours from my real house at the same time I was going back. I offered to give the ride since I was having fun with her and it wasn't like it was far out of my way (I drive an hour to work and an hour and a half to any fun out of house stuff so 4 hours isn't too far) Anyway about 2-3 weeks before we were to leave together I figured she didn't like me and was just keeping it going to get a ride. I confronted her about it and told her its ok to not like me and I will still give her a ride. I would rather her say "Hey I'm sorry but I dont like you in a relationship way but I really could use that ride". She said she did and that I was just being insecure. Well I wind up taking her up and I drop her off at her new house with her stuff and go home. She keeps me in a long desitance relationship for 3 days just texting and on facebook then says we need to break up. Exactly what I didnt want to happen. She started saying she couldn't date for like a year and when she gets other things together. Well 2 weeks pass by and she keeps texting me because she wants to "still be friends" and tells me how she wants to start dating other guys. I told her she used me especially after I told her its ok to get a ride and not tag me along. My main problem is that I opened up to her even when I knew she was using me. Told her things even my parents dont know. I dont regret telling her since I dont like to regret. I did something and cant change it so regret is kinda stupid to me. Anyway she keeps trying to keep in touch and I dont know what to do. I dont want her in my life anymore but everytime we talk she turns every argument around to make it seem like im a bad guy when I brought her up here, helped her ship her things up here, took her to doctors, and took her to movies and bestbuy to fix her laptop. I was poor at the time and used my little money on her. So how am I a jerk. I hate her but cant tell her to leave me alone and never talk to me again without having her hang up on me telling me I am a jerk before I can say it. Also to put a little icing on the cake she is my best friends cousin and talking to him means I am in contact with her. What should I do?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I am inclined to agree with the previous poster. I understand you may feel used and ill - treated, but ,it boils down to :you offered things, and she accepted. From her point of view, there were, or ther should not have been, strings attached. One is not obliged to give affection, or romance in change of a free ride, or computer help. I dislike as much as you people in the habit of taking without giving back, but there is a lesson to be learned here. Give ONLY when you feel like giving, and when giving is a pleasure to YOU- regardless of any material or emotional return you might get ,or not get ,back.
As for current predicament, you say you can't cut her loose because of your best friend,- but you do not need to be proactive. Do not initiate contact, and if she contact you answer politely but concisely and not overfriendly. Pretty soon she'll get the hint, or she'll get tired and she'll let you be.
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 You just need to learn the ancient art of being a snob.
What I would do, is not answer when she calls, make it clear to your friend you dont want her around, and let yurself get over it. I mean it, dont talk to her again, just let her go.
Life is way too short for BS. You could be meeting someone special now, instead of waisting your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): move on and stop letting her control your life. Delete her from any contact point. She adds no value to your life. Yes she used you and you were duped. there are other good experiences out there for you. She is already probably using the next guy she is duping. She did you a great favor. Now get on with you life. You dont need her and she does not want you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): The nice guy finishes last again. My man. My good friend...this woman is purely all words and sees ur a nice guy so she takes advantage of you and because of that one time you say no..then youre a jerk. Haha im the newly reformed nice guy and I'll tell you, thats BS. No man should tolerate such shit. If she has a connection with ur cousin thats okay, thats a different relationship she has from yours just make it clear you dont want to hear anything about the girl. Cut ALL ties with her. Serious red flags here and I dont see things getting better and this is coming from a guy who considers himself very optmistic. My best to u on this.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (8 November 2010):
 This is really a bad place to be in honey! Its not your fault but you have been on the losing end. Hmmm...lets see now. First of all, dont talk to this girl quite so much. Even if you do, talk normally, without offering any help EVER or even trying to help her if she asks you to. If she wants a ride, make some excuse...she'l get the hint. Dont be rude to her on her face, because you said it...she can turn the tables on you and make u seem like the bad guy male chauvinist pig who is rude to a lady.
But you know what, instead of blaming her, take a moment and reflect upon this. Nobody on this planet has the power to make you feel bad/inferior AND to use to, unless you allow them to. In your case, you ALLOWED this girl into your domain. You offered the ride...when you had the option NOT to. You helped her with her work, you took her to the doctor's...you did all this on your own accord without anyone having forced you to do all this. Please dont get me wrong...I'm not being judgmental. I'm just saying, you did all this because you WANTED to, at that point of time, even though you did have a feeling that you were being used. If you look at it this way, you wont feel quite as bitter about her. She just took advantage of the situation, but you gave her the advantage!!
You dont have to talk to her all the time...be very normal and calm...dont think too much about this. So you had one bad experience...but learn from this...and good luck!!
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