A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a whirlwind holiday romance. He said he was going to come to England to visit me as soon as he could get time off. Since then he has kept in regular contact with me and things have been great with all signs that he is really into me. He had been planning to come to visit me here but due to other matters going on in my life it may not have been as feasible, so I suggested I visit him in Italy (where he is from) and he was happy for me to do so. Initially, when I suggested visiting him, I thought all I would pay for would be my plane ticket and free accomodation at his. But he said this time of year in his town is not so great as he is near the beach so in wintertime there is nothing to do so he suggested we go to one of the bigger cities now and in the summertime I can visit his town.Now, I am not working right now (he knows this) And he has quite a good job and a fair amount of money. So I am paying for my plane tickets but I am not sure if I should presume he would pay for the hotels etc or if I need to make some sort of remark, indicating or asking if he would (in which case I would be quite embarrassed to do so) My friend goes on holiday constantly with different guys and said if a guy is taking a girl away he normally pays but I am not sure how to handle it. I mean, I suppose as bad as it sounds I sort of hoped / assumed maybe he would as I have no job but then I dont want to bring it up either because it seems kind of awkward on my path. Not sure what to do? Do guys normally pay? I dont want to bring it up beforehand as it feels cringing to me....but not sure if I have a choice. Or to go along assuming that he is paying? I would especially like to hear men's take on this thanks.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I am a woman, but Italian , so perhaps I qualify for giving my opinion
Italian guys would normally pay in such a situation. Without batting a lid.Unless he is very young or very broke, but this is not the case.
But,in fear you have chanced in the ONE Italian guy who is a tightwad or is a feminist activist - I suggest you can diplomatically inquire, there is nothing wrong about it.
You can say something like : I'd love the plan you suggest, I'd really like to visit X town with you, but , as you know, right now I am unemployed and I am afraid money would be a problem. I am not sure I can afford paying hotel costs .
Therefore it would be better if we could stick to the original plan of staying in your hometown, because, after all, what matters is that we can spend time together.
I am 90percent sure he'll say : no worry, I'll take care of everything. But if he does not,- at least you'd be spared unpleasant surprises and arguments !
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