A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Story about this is kinda complicated so it's the best to start from the beginning:I met him on my first day of high school. He introduced himself as our physics teacher for next 4 years. In that time never even came to my mind that I will ever be attracted to him. He seemed just like a regular middle-aged man. Actually, I even found him unattractive.As time went by, it turned out that I was the best student in my class. I have had straight A's (I still do). Out of nowhere, while we were having a test, he came to me and whispered that I don't have to be worried for my grade at that test because I will get an A. I just sat there shocked and didn't know what to do so I was just able to say that it's not necessary. After that I started thinking that he was a pedophile or whatever, but everyone was convincing me that I'm just imagining it.I don't know what happened to me after Christmas in that first grade. I just started noticing some nice things about him and I enjoyed being in his class. In February I remember him telling me that I'm his favorite student. It was awkward, but nice. He started winking me every time when we see each other on the corridor and I got used to that. I was falling in love with him and I just couldn't stop it. I was asked to have an interview with him for our school papers so I found out a lot of stuff about him (it really wasn't my idea). I knew that he wasn't cold hearted towards me because of the things he did every now and then. When I announced that me and my mum are moving to another city, he asked me will I come back next year. I was joking about it because I knew that it was not possible, but I actually did somehow. It was unplanned, but I came back - same school, same class.At the beginning of the past year things continued.We spent even more time together because I was preparing for international competition and he was, of course, my mentor. Because of that, or whatever, I didn't have to write 70% of our test in his subject and at the beginning of the year he said again that I don't have to worry about my final grade. People in my class started talking about us in a bad way and it went so far that even my language teacher started joking about it while the other language teacher asked me do I love physics because of physics itself or there is something more. It was quite a shock for me.So, since I was sure that he thinks that I have a crush on him, I've decided to clear things out so I've had the most embarrassing moment of my life while trying indirectly to tell him that I'm not in love with him (altough I was). He told me twice that he doesn't understand it and can I be more specific with that evil smile on his face. At the end I, of course, didn't say directly:"People are saying that I'm in love with you and I'm not", but after three times repeating, he finally understood what I was trying to say.He didn't make things easier for me - exactly the opposite.We were in his class and one friend told me that he's afraid of me. That was so funny to me at that moment that I couldn't stop laughing so the teacher came and asked me what I was laughing about. I told him that my friend is afraid of me and he turned and refered to him that he has "no idea what kind of beast I am".These situations are so embarrassing you can't even imagine.People in class have already decided that I'm going to prom with him. Great (sarcasm).Now, 3 years later I really don't know why, but I still feel the same. There is something about him that makes me feel this way. I don't know what that is and I don't know how to call it.I realize that all od this is just wrong so I just want this to end, but I don't know how because you could have seen that this is not just my fault. I try to forget everything and sometimes I even think that I've succeded, but then he does something and it starts all over again.I don't want to do anything with him because he is my teacher, he is married with children, he is way older than me... I just want this to stop. Now I'm asking you for help or advice because I can't go anymore through this on my own.Thank you in advance.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you! What you both said really makes sense and it helps. I am going to do exactly that - progressively distance myself from him.
And if I decide to talk to him about that topic again (if this keeps happening next year), I will definitely be more confident and open about it because obviously he didn't take me seriously the first time.
Thank you one more time!
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (1 August 2012):
I second Abella's advice. You may already have experienced this yourself. Looking back at my own crushes of the past, I often wonder now what drew me to that person in the first place. Love truly makes blind, but time will help you see (as cliche as that sounds.)
To help that along, try not to interact with him so much as you have been. By that I don't mean ignoring him, but simply not giving him more attention than other teachers. I know this is hard, as you're already his favorite student, but like I said, you need a break from this guy in order to help yourself move on.
You may even want to talk to him about it, pointing out that people are talking and that it's in your both best interest not to give them the wrong impression. Ask him not to treat you like his favorite student anymore and not give you extra attention. Then tell him not to take it personally if you don't react to his jokes, etc. so much anymore, but that you are simply tired of putting up with the gossip and want it to subside. Make sure that when you talk to him about this, that you're not putting the blame on him, but just be sensible. Good teachers will understand this and react well.
Hope this helps. You sound like a sensible person, OP.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 August 2012):
 hi
You sound intelligent, aware, and you already have a range of interests. You have identified the issues confronting you. And you know what you want. As a result you are in reach of your goal to 'wash that guy right out of your hair'.
You are in sight of your goal. I have faith that you are moving towards resolving this. And you will succeed with this goal.
You sound capable and perhaps you just needed some validation and the faith in you shown by others to give you the support you need in the circumstances.
I recall a science teacher when i was 14. All the 14 year old girls swooned over him. And were devastated when he brought his stunning tall blonde fiance to a school function. None of us had even known he was engaged!
But fast forward five years later and we girls met and started talking. Some of us still had photos we had taken of that teacher at school.
Most of us girls were almost over our crushes, but not completely.
When we met the next time we all brought our photos of the Science teacher from five years earlier to compare.
What a let down.
My photo had him in a cardigan, over a white shirt that was slightly too tight, plus pants that were a tiny fraction too short at the ankle. And white sox! I looked again at his hair and it looked slightly greasy.
When I was 14 he was Mr Perfection.
Some of the other photos the girls had kept had him scowling or looking grumpy. At least he was smiling in my photo.
And it hit me.
What ever had made me think he was the bees knees? The paragon of all that was perfect?
My crush was no more:)
Time heals everything. Eventually
I have faith that you will get there.
Best wishes with you goal.
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Sageoldguy1465
I don't think you really understood me. I don't want to have anything with him, especially on that way that you've just said.
I just want to stop these embarrassing situations and, what you are suggesting, forget everything about him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. You definitely gave me a lot to think about.
If this continues, I will straighten things out with all of them. This really has to stop. Thank you again!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Please, please, please.... get in line with the OODLES of young students who are going to have a crush on one, or more, of his/her teachers.... and who TRULY BELIEVE that they (you!) are that special one who REALLY is adult, mature and who brings to the affair everything that that teacher wants.... AND, it's only a matter of time before the two of you start your "real" life together....
You know why I can write that mocking paragraph???? BECAUSE IT IS SO!!!!!!
I suggest that you give up on your crush, grow up, study hard, and make a great success of your life....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (31 July 2012):
Wow you sound like a busy girl! Good job and keep it up. And I have to say I never thought I'd encounter someone on DC who also practices contortion like me. But before I digress:
Some people just have that effect on us. It fades in time and by not being in contact with them anymore. Armed with a rational mind you will beat this. I know what it feels like because I had a crush on my instructor for years. There was just something about him. He was married with kids just like your teacher is so I never dared make a move on him because I didn't want things to be weird or burden him with something he could do nothing about, so I kept my mouth shut and buried my feelings.
It's been hard, but it works. Of course he still has those little moments that make me fall for him allover again, but I've learned to deal with it by simply telling myself it's wrong. If that doesn't work I imagine us getting together followed by the devastation the wife and kids would feel if we did. That helps me a lot, because I'd never want to hurt anyone like that. Hit yourself over the head with those images of hurt until it gets through.
As for the other teachers making jokes, it's very unprofessional and I would approach them after class and have a serious talk with them about it, because they're ruining your and his reputation through gossip and that you have enough to do without worrying about petty stuff like this. Ask them if they truly think their colleague would cross the line and if they don't, tell them to stop making jokes about that. As for the teacher you have a crush on, I have the feeling he doesn't know how to react to the whole situation, which is why he's awkward at times. Try not to react when that happens.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for replying. :)
My problem is that I already am constantly busy or at least I try to be.
In my school I run a dance club. In my free time I paint, play violin, practice contortion, tutor kids, read books (that's what keeps me the most from this subject)... I've even attended two summer schools this month, but as you can see, at the end of the day, this thought somehow finds me.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 July 2012):
You need some wholesome distractions because things like this fester when you have too much time on your hands.
Distractions or projects are something new that you focus on to learn that are outside your usual sphere.
#Think new skills - learn how to make, fire and glaze clay pots / how to paint pictures with water colors / how to dye plain silk and make it into scarves that you can sell to make you some money
#Think new activities - cycling with a group of people who cycle regularly, go swimming, get a Zumba or exercise DVD for home , get a Wii and play with your friends
#Think hobbies: learn how to make jewellery - maybe earings? Sell them on etsy.com
#think of something that you think might be interesting - start a Blog on blogspot.com about a student but do not use a real picture of you nor your name. Keep it interesting but do not reveal where you live nor any identifying information
#think of something that brings you into contact with new GOOD people where you can contribute something - so offer to take local dogs for walks in the park at the weekend when the owners prefer to sleep in - and get paid for it
#set a goal to save enough money to purchase your car outright for cash from your savings.
#read some books you would not normally read
#join a group that volunteers in the community and offer to help in a volunteer program
#join a group to learn public speaking as that too can help lift your confidence in yourself
Fortunately you know you do not need to complicate your life with anything to do with your physics teacher nor any other teacher for that matter.
But sometimes we just need another voice supporting that any thing unprofessional between ourselves and our teacher is just not on.
Just choose a couple of things from the list above. Distract yourself by throwing yourself into the new activities. Pretty soom you teachers will find that your interest waned while there was no one to feed the crush addiction.
Please take care
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