A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so I'm currently studying for a degree and have a close group of friends made up of three girls and one guy. Myself and the guy are close friends and when I went through a breakup of a very long relationship he was an amazing friend to me and more recently he's gone through a similar thing, except he's got a new girlfriend now.We speak about lots of different things and he's the guy I go to for advice. I speak to him about guys I'm dating etc and he gets quite protective but in a brotherly way.When we went on a night out recently I waited for him to finish in to bathroom and when he came out he put his arm around me and asked if I was alright and I said I felt a little sick and said 'look after me won't you' and laughed to which he said 'always' but in quite a serious tone and took my hand while we left the club, then let go when we found our other friends. He also puts his arm round me to warm me up, we whisper in each others ears and our faces touch, dance together etc.I know that we are amazing friends but my question is, is it possible to have a 'bond' with a guy friend. I find myself feeling jealous, excited and protected around him but I think we will always have a soft spot for each other without it ever being romantic.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2015):
 I agree with Janniepeg and Tisha here.
It is possible to have a tight bond with someone of the opposite gender. But whether it's entirely appropriate is a whole other matter.
He has a GF, so I think you should DIAL down your behavior around him, because it can easily be seen as you being "all over him" - which in turn can lead to problems in his relationship. (though to be frank HE is the one who needs to dial it back a bit, more than you, as HE is the one in a relationship).
I think if he was interested in more, he would have pursued it, but I also think he enjoys all the "ego-rubbing" he gets from you that he isn't getting (I presume) from the other female friends in the group.)
And your words (you see him only as a brother) doesn't match your actions (seems pretty smitten with him)
A
female
reader, cynthia does wonder +, writes (26 September 2015):
I actually have the same situation. Me and my male friend do talk on phone and even go to movies together. He is important to me.... And naturally based on how greatly we get along ; I wonder if we should just be together.. now in your case I would enjoy the friendship. The 2 of you obviously are important to each other. If you develop stronger feelings, tell him that you do care for him in a girlfriend way. So he knows...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 September 2015):
 I don't know, if you read your question over again, it does sound a bit like you see the romantic side of it. "he puts his arm round me to warm me up, we whisper in each others ears and our faces touch" You feel "jealous, excited and protected around him" Do you have a brother who does that? Are these feelings you have for him all that platonic?
I think as he has a girlfriend, the sensible thing to do--though it's probably not what you want to do, based on the words you've already used to describe this "thing" you have--is to limit contact.
I know, that's not what you want to hear.
But here's the thing this old lady can tell you: if he wanted to be with you in that way, he'd have pursued you. He didn't.
:(
I know.
That's not the answer you were looking for.
Yes, you can have a feeling of closeness with a male friend, but in this case, there's something behind your words that suggest that you are experiencing a bit (okay, a LOT) of a crush on him.
I'd be a lot concerned if he's not upfront and clear about how "close" he is with you with his girlfriend. If she doesn't know how close you two are? Then he's probably lying to you and to her....
Sorry.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 September 2015):
 Of course it's possible to have a bond. the question is whether it is an appropriate one or not. Imagine if you had a boyfriend would you want him to get so close to a female friend behind your back? Even if you are careful and do not cross physical boundaries to the point of cheating, it is disrespectful to the girlfriend when you tempt yourselves and fantasize the what ifs.
If I were to have a new relationship with this guy and I have to question your friendship, I wouldn't even bother and hear whatever defense that it's only platonic. I would just stay away because I don't have time and energy to compete for priority in his life.
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