A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I've found pictures of a girl on my boyfriends phone. The pictures were sexual, it makes me feel sick.We've been through this sort of problem before. Last time, I found messages and one picture. I told my self I would never let anyone walk all over me or hurt me, but I know that our relationship can work. More so I want to prove to everyone who doubted him and our relationship. Last time I told him that I didn't want to break up but he needed to prove to me he will change, he will stop what he did and prove to me.I want help, I don't know how to approach the situation but I cannot keep going on day to day as if nothing has happened and as if I didn't see the pictures. Any help, advice or previous experience would really help as I want to sort this situation out for good. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): This problem hasn't happened for the FIRST time. you've been through this type of thing before and if he wanted to change for you, he'd have done it there and then.People only change because THEY want to.. not because someone else wants them to.You have told yourself you wouldn't let anyone walk all over you or hurt you.. so why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you putting yourself through heartache? For a guy who has sexual photos of a girl on his phone - more then once!! Darling you should be swept of your feet and be cherished by someone who really loves you and ONLY you!! you are worth more than this and you have nothing to prove to anyone, its noone elses relationship and noone should be there to say "i told you so" at the end of it... they should just be there for you. So forget about proving your relationship to other people, accept that you can do better than this!!You said you want him to prove to you that he can change? He hasn't changed from the first time there were sexual pictures on his phone because now its happened a second time.. thats not proving hes changed at all!! thats just proving that hes selfish and untrustworthy!!Be honest with him and tell him you saw the pictures on his phone, your not the one in the wrong here!And confront him on the situation.Ask him WHY has he done it AGAIN?Does he not respect you?Does he not believe you will find out any secrets hes keeping from you?Does he not think your worth more than this b^^^^it?I hope you're ok sweet girl and i hope whatever decision you make, that it is the right one for you and you are happy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): Leave him. He let you down, twice. How many more times will you allow him to do it? You are young, why get trapped with a scumbag when there are so many other men out there who would be delighted to date you?
I was in a similar situation but am much older than you and it took me far too long to wake up and smell the coffee. The reality is, he doesn't care about you. He cares about his penis. So leave him and let him get on with it and take care of YOU first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 I have to agree with Anonymous 123,
You have been through this BEFORE. No amount of you LOVING him will make him stop. No amount of you loving him will fix the trust that is now lost.
What you HAVE to realize is, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE him. YOU CAN NOT CONTROL him.
He stopped doing it for a while to placate you, but he didn't STOP because he KNEW it was hurting you and the WRONG thing to do for a guy in a relationship.
You gave him an ultimatum, that he HAD to prove to you that he would stop, BUT HE DIDN'T stop.
You are SO young to be settling with a guy who shows SO little respect for YOU and the relationship. He is "acting" single and sees NOTHING wrong in exchanging pictures and sexy chats, because he KNOWS you will not walk away.
You have yourself thinking that YOU somehow NEEDS to fix this. YOU can't, honey.
Only fix there is? Is to walk away from him. Tell him ENOUGH is enough. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice? Shame on me.
YOU know he isn't going to stop. There is no "magical" fix.
WANT more for yourself in a partner than this selfish and immature guy.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (6 July 2015):
 Its happened before, its happened again and it will keep happening because your B/f has proven that once a cheater, always a cheater.
You're basically wanting to hold on to the relationship out of stubbornness just to prove a point to everyone who had (very rightly so) said that its basically doomed. You just have to swallow your pride and accept that "everyone" who doubted him was right. Your B/f is up to no good and never will be. You gave him a chance. He messed up yet again, doing the very same thing which he did the first time. Which just proves that he didn't slip up and make a mistake the first time...he did it knowing fully well what he was doing and he's done it again.
Time to cut your losses and dump this loser. He isn't going to change.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2015): Hi there,I have experienced a similar situation. I found my ex-boyfriend sexting girls, I confronted him about it straight up and he told me that he'd prove himself to me. I believed this - although six months down the track the same thing happened again. Once more, I stayed and forgave him. Long story cut short, the relationship ended after I discovered that he had cheated on me with 3 other girls in the space of our three year relationship. This did immense damage to my self-esteem and confidence, and this damage is still effecting me in my current relationship.What I'm basically saying is that if you have warned him once and he's back doing it again, it won't stop. That may sound pessimistic but it's true. I am not saying that your boyfriend doesn't have feelings for you, but I am saying that he has a commitment problem. So unless you are ready and willing to deal with a person who only 'half' wants to be in the relationship with you, then I suppose that's okay.But if you want someone to be fully committed to you, which you deserve, then I think it's easier to cut ties before things get messy. The uncertainty and the broken trust won't necessarily mend itself over time, particularly as you become more in love and attached to this person. Instead, you'll find yourself going crazy wondering if he's doing it again and panicking every time you don't hear back from him/every time he goes out alone without you.I do wish you luck though, I'm probably just giving you the same cynical advice other people have given but it's just going from my personal experiences.
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