A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 35 year old single mom with 2 girls. I have been dating a man that is 11 years younger than me for about 2 years now. I know that he loves me, but he doesn't spend time with my girls or come to any of my family gatherings. I get along great with his family and they want to meet the girls, but it still hasn't happened. I don't want to pressure him, but I need to know where this is going. He talks about living together or possibly getting married. Still, nothing has actually happened. I love him very much and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Any advise on how to handle this situation? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Sounds to me like you see this as a relationship..........of course, and him being 24 sees it as more of a friendship with none of the responsibilities of a relationship but doesn't mind fantasizing about marriage and family life because he knows he is too young for that right now and won't have to follow through with this fantasy for a long time.............he may love you but I don't think he is ready to be your partner and the father of your children, he wants to be your boyfriend and i mean boy and also possibly your 3rd child. His family sounds very nice and friendly but that won't chance how he thinks and acts. I would either stay just friends with him till he gets older and matures or I would break it off completely and find a man who can and is willing to be a good father to my children.
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Anyone who chooses a relationship with you at this stage of your life must know that they're getting a package deal. You haven't hidden your girls from him based on what you've told us.
I think your boy has had two years to man up and it hasn't happened. Are you prepared to accept that he isn't ready to be a father/father figure? If you do accept it, would that not be a showstopper?
Can you imagine having to choose between your boy and your girls? Because that is the choice that awaits you with this one. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 July 2010):
 It's possible he's the youngest in the family and has no younger cousins and this may be the first time he's dealing with young kids. He may feel a pressured to act older than he is in front of your family. It's also harder to relate to girls who play with barbies and my little pony. Find something that you can all enjoy such as walks in the parks, a little tea party, board games. When he sees that kids can be fun, and can reciprocate your love, rather than a nuissance and a competition for your attention, he'll loosen up and try to know them better.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): You say he is 11 years younger than you. How much older is he than your girls? I dated a single mom and it's really tough. You have met his family and everything seems to be going really well; yet you have to see things from his angle. He WANTS to marry you and INTENDS too; but for a normal guy jumping to engagement/marriage is a MONUMENTAL commmitment. In his situation, he would be jumping into not only engagement/marriage but also a fatherhood figure role.That has to be difficult. 2 years is a fair amount of time though. I think you should sit down with him after a romantic night out just you and him and calmly and lovingly tell him how you feel.Explain you don't mean to add any sort of pressure but want some reassurance that he doesn in fact intend on going somewhere with this. See how he reacts.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (13 July 2010):
It can be very hard for a man to come into a home and suddenly play 'Dad' to children that aren't his own. It can take time to bond. But, realistically, there should have been some effort on his part by now. Perhaps he's not sure about what he's supposed to do, or how to handle it. I do think you need to talk to him about how he sees himself in this family, and where he sees all this going. There's no use in your marrying a man who won't do anything with your kids or come to family gatherings.
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