A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 33 yr old male. About one year ago I met the love of my life. I have been through two marriages and divorces and this has enabled me to grow and know what I need and want in a partner. This woman is all of that and more. She is my first true love. I thought I had it before. I was wrong.We connect on all levels. We spend time together daily. Our relationship quickly went from best friends to more. We love each other. We share everything. Good days bad days and we talk through our differences. Sounds too good to be true huh? Well here is the srew ball...When we started going out she was in a 3 year relationship that was and still is having problems. I have heard it all before I should have known better. Why did I let myself fall in love? Those statements are all good but at this point I can't rewind and do it over. So now I am in love and even roommates with this God sent angel that loves me in return.More... recently her BF was suspected of cheating on her. Emails ect. stated that this girl and he were having a relationship. No real proof. I know you are thinking why should this upset her because of what she is doing with me. TRUE. However this has upset her bad. They broke up but only for a day or two. She has stated and acts like she will put up with whatever it takes to be with him. I, as her bestfriend have warned her about believing him when he tells her he didn't do it. She says that she just can't end it that abruptly. I might mention that he is her first love and she gave him her virginity. I reminded her that they have had problems for over a year and this isnt the first but the worst thing he has done or accused of doing. I tell her that if he is what she wants then why does she need me to be with her. I must give her something he doesnt. To put you out of your misery and come to a close... I love her and she loves me. I want her to be happy even if thats not with me. I tell her to tell me if we need to be over more than once. She doesnt. What do I do? If she wants him that bad then I feel I need to stop being with her but that will hurt both of us. If its time she needs then how do I stop expressing my undying love to her daily while she figures this out? If I have to move on then how do I find anyone if I KNOW she is the one? My true love meant to be? I am experienced enough to know this. HELP PLEASE? need more info ask me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): It looks like she wants the best of both worlds. Point is that what she is doing is not fair on both you and her boyfriend. If she loves you then why she still with him? One day she's got to realise that she's either got to choose between you and her boyfriend. Why don't you give her a bit of space to see how she feels being with just him? If not make her make up her mind between you and him. If she chooses you then great but if she chooses him then move on. After all, the situation a bit of a mess.
A
female
reader, depaiva  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 You sound like you truly care for this woman. It's unfair on you that she strings you along.
I can personally understand why she finds it so hard to leave this other guy. She gave him her virginity-it's an incredible hold he has on her. She needs to come to terms with that before the thought of leaving him can be considered. Women are very emotionally beings and, especially with their first, they become extremely connected spiritually to their partner. She needs to deal with one issue at a time-her relationship with this other guy first before she can devote herself to you. Support her and don't give up on her but make her realize how you feel and how unfair the whole situation is on you-not to mention her boyfriend too. She needs to decide who she wants-this will not be easy for her and let her know that you understand how difficult it is for her.
Maybe you should just be her friend for the time being, she's cheating on her boyfriend and that probably makes it more confusing for her. Allow her the time to deal with things and just support her. After all you said you want her to be happy even if it's not with you-now that shows how much you truly love her.
She needs time (hopefully not that long because it's unfair on you), be patient and try not to pressurize her.
Good luck and I hope this works out for you because true love only comes around every now and again...
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A
male
reader, BenQ  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 I went through something similar a while back.
The girl in question was in a long term relationship, her first serious relationship, and when faced with facts of him cheating denied them, and was always taking him back no matter what he did because she 'loved him'.
I was the 'you' in that situation. I was the friend who was there, the shoulder to cry on if you like, in case she needed some help, I was always on the receiving end of her tears and torment of what he did.
What you need to do is be true to her and to yourself. If you love her, tell her what you feel. Tell her the truth about her partner (and how you see him) and tell her that you'll always be there for her, as a friend or more than that, but that you'll stand by her.
See how things pan out. If this guy turns out to be the fool and is cheating on her then you can be the person who is there for her, and hopefully be her next one.
But if things patch up I would advise you to pursue other women, find and socialize with other women and move on, because if you smother her, you may make things awkward and lose her.
Better to have her as a friend then not have her at all...
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