A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Urgently need some advice please...A few years back I worked as a PA to several managers- I got on with 1 manager in particular and everyone in the office used to tease me saying he had a soft spot for me. The truth is I fancied him like mad- not just his looks but his personality - he always took the time for his staff etc... Anyway nothing ever happened as he was married (I was single but never told anyone my true feelings towards him). He then left and I continued my job with the other 2 but then i left 7 months later.He lived in another town to me and I never saw him again. Now fast forward to the present and I am getting married in September next year to a man I met 2 years ago and who i am happy with. Here's the problem., I was in town doing some last minute Christmas shopping and I bumped in to my old manager (who I had a crush on). It was so surreal seeing him after 4 years and he was in my town by chance as he was collecting his sons present from a store as the store on his town had sold out! Anyway we ended up having a coffee together and he explained he was now divorced ( and single) and had been for nearly 3 years. I then told him I was getting married etc.. and he said he was happy for me but admitted he was also disappointed as he always liked me. He said he couldn't do anything about it at the time as he was married and we worked together but when he separated he did call up asking for me but was told I left and nobody was able to give him my contact details. He then said it was great seeing me again and gave me his number- just incase I ever fancied a catch up and he hugged me.The thing is, after we parted ways all my old feelings for him returned (in fact they returned as soon as i saw him). This was 4 days ago and I've not been able to think about anything else. I just keep fantasising about kissing him and I touching him and i can still smell him on my coat after he hugged me.I feel so sick thinking about it!! Does this mean I'm not in love with my fiance? Am i meant to be with my old manager? Even though I do love my fiance, i never had the butterflies like I did with my old manager... Or is it just a pathetic crush and if I pursue it I will end up hurt? I don't want to mess my fiance around or hurt him either.Please don't judge me- i would never have an affair. I'm just confused and angry at myself for allowing my feelings to takeover so much.Help me please!!!!!
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affair, christmas, crush, divorce, fiance, kissing Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): Why would you have lunch with a man you have a crush on?
That's just nurturing trouble.
Whoever you decide to settle down with, remember to keep yourself out of temptations like these.
Now you're second guessing your relationship and emotionally distancing yourself from your partner because you didn't say, hi lovely to see you - good luck with everything.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 Its not right to your fiance, is it? To have you fantasizing about another man...its just not right. Maybe its a huge crush that you have on the manager person, maybe you really ARE in love with him...who knows? The entire situation is complicated because you are now engaged and if the tables were turned and your fiance was thinking about an old crush and wanting to kiss her and touch her, how would YOU feel about it?
I think what you need is a break from your relationship to really think things out.
On the one hand you are engaged to a man who you say you are happy with. Is simple, uncomplicated. The manager on the other hand is a divorced man with kids. There's baggage that will follow.
Its your choice now and really OP, it's not that difficult a choice. What you YOU want? Do you think you'll be able to do justice to your relationship with your fiance if you stay with him? If not, then end the relationship and take some time off to figure out what you really want.
Also, keep in mind:
1.) Some things are better left an illusion. Reality may not be as rosy as the fairy-tale that you have in your head.
2.) Sometimes not getting what you want can be a wonderful stroke of luck.
and most importantly,
3.) Be careful what you wish for; it might just come true.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 Your manager has just divorced so he won't be looking for a relationship. Your story would sound like a romance novel if only you weren't engaged. He saw a good opportunity to get laid after a dry spell. You don't get married to feel butterflies because in a long term relationship it won't be practical. Marriage is suitable for people who are able to maintain the routine and enjoy sex even when the passion dies out. For whatever reason the manager divorced it doesn't convince you that he will be better a second time around. It's normal to feel desire for alpha men. It doesn't mean you are not in love with your fiancé. It means that getting married doesn't make you blind to other people. If you think because you are tied to somebody then you won't be tempted by other people you are in for a shock. Good thing is that he lives another town so it will be out of sight out of mind for you.
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