A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I got a major problem. I am the unfortunate member of the male species that had this great idea not to have sex until i was married. And now I'm 28 and still unmarried. I have been having these sexual desires for my 15 year old female neighbour, and although that's all they are are fantasies, they are still disturbing, not only as to what the public would view it as, but in my own opinion, I feel it is wrong. And since I know it is wrong, I know that I would never take any action towards her, or at least i hope i won't. However, she is known in her high school as being the "easy" chick. Whenever I'm outside working (mowing, automotive, whatever), she does her darnedest to make sure she's out there riding her bike or rollerblading in the tightest shortest shorts and a shirt that leaves little to the imagination, and makes it quite obvious when she decides not to wear a bra that day.One time, she and another "easy" friend of hers were alone at home and decided to come over to my house. I wasn't home yet from work. When i pulled in and got out of the car, she said in a sexy voice, "You mind if we come in and visit and maybe have a lil fun, just us three?" My fantasy was coming true, but then I realized how stupid I would be to say yes. I told her no, that I had to leave for a party ASAP. I really didn't, but I had to make up an excuse to get away from them. I drove around the nearby city for a few hours to think about what almost happened.I know this is a long story, and my question is coming. I started going to counseling on my own to talk about my issues. And I try to avoid my neighbor at all costs. But what happened before, could arise again. My question is, Am I just royally screwed? Do I have a genetic disposition that will eventually make me take advantage of this little girl? Is there a chance that I will be cured of these problems, or am I always gonna have some sort of fantasy in my mind? I'm worried that despite all the counseling, I might do something stupid, that I'll regret the rest of my life, or maybe end up in jail. Suicide has been a thought that has crossed my mind more than once to force me not to do this act that may present itself again. Can anyone please make a suggestion, and please, no flaming. I know what i fantasize is wrong, I need help, not insults.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): To me, it sounds like your beating yourself up over not sleeping with her. You should be proud of yourself. Do you have any freinds? family to visit? If you sleep with her, there's a very high chance your end up in jail and also in the paper as a pervert, so everytime your tempted just think of jail.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): As long as the girls look like they've been through puberty already, you don't need to feel like a total child molester for being attracted to them. They look like sexually developed and fertile women, and that's when nature wants you to be attracted to them.
But teenage girls take that shape years before they're mentally developed to adult stages though. So you're correct by thinking you should not mess with them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Oh and you don't CURE yourself of lust.
It is one ailment that is universally untreatable.
Flynn 24
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008): Okay... at 15, you can't refer to her as a 'little girl'.A six year old is little girl. A 15 year old is a young-adult, a teenager.Be that as it may, it's not unnatural to be attracted to a teenager. I mean the teenagers these days seem to be getting hotter and hotter.But it IS unnatural to willingly take advangtage, which you know. You have wisely chosen to resist the temptation and distance yourself from it.If I were you I would join a dating site, a gym, anything that will get you into contact with women who have come of age already.Don't get so down on yourself. The main reason you have a fantasy about this teenager is because she is what you denied yourself when you had the chance at her age. You chose to wait for the right person. You chose not to let natural instincts and desires get in your way.Believe me. Fantasizing does not make you a monster. You would be a pretty poor human male if you didn't feel some form of lust for a virile, petite female of breeding age (I use this as the age by which women are capable of carrying a child to term... basically puberty onwards). It is human nature to be attracted to someone who is most likely to produce the best children and the most.So have your fantasy. Enjoy it. But make sure it stays there.Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (19 September 2008):
 Hey. You seem to be in control of your situation and that is good. I read your story and I have a question. Say your neighbor was a beautiful woman your age with an amazing body dressed the same way and doing the same things. Coming onto you. Would you have the same feelings for her? I can not answer your question or give my opinion until I know.Is her age part of gay turns pi on or is it her look.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): This is what i think and many would probably disagree but sometimes when you are attracted to a person of the opposite sex, it is just a natural human trait, the world wide law prohibits "adults" form sexual relations with "adolescents" but it is after all a man made rule. Don't feel bad about your desires but do not break the law as it is what the majority of the world requires of all adults to protect there children. My advice to you would be to either wait till she is at the age of consent to make your move or forget about the whole problem because the more you relish on the idea the more you will make it ok in your mind and perhaps ruin both of your lives
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): This is a tricky one. The reason that is because people are so vigilant about girls being preyed on that simple and truthful comments are easily jumped on as being paedophilic or signs of that you pose a risk to children. I certainly don't think that you're a pervert or that anything is wrong with you. It's obvious that this girl is a flirt and a tease who dresses provocatively to get attention. I don't know about the law in America but in Britain the legal of consent is 16 so to find a 15 year old sexually inviting is normal. It's called Jailbait. Look but don't touch. From a psychiatric point of you what you're experiencing is perfectly normal. It's something that all men experience. The problem is because she's underage and there's this big, and rightly so, thing about paedophilia that natural thoughts and feelings are now leading to feelings of guilt and shame. The human body responds to any sort of sexual stimulus whether it's visual or physical. I would say that you have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) about what you're thinking. If it makes you feel any better everybody in the whole world has a fleeting sexual thought about something they shouldn't. Animals and children being the most common. The thing is that they are just fleeting and have absolutely no true meaning in life so they are pushed out and forgotten about. Thoughts and feelings are not the same thing. You are obsessing over a thought. And to make you feel even more better in the history of OCD there has never been a case of anyone actually committing a crime about what they're thinking. Like I say, thoughts are not feelings.
http://www.ocduk.org/1/ocd.htm
I need to stress though that although what you're thinking is normal it is not acceptable to start looking at pictures of 15 year old girls on the internet. Any sexually charged pictures of anyone under the age of 18 is wrong but I don't think that you're doing that. My ultimate opinion is that you are obsessing over a normal thought and it's causing you distress. I recommend that you see a therapist who can explain OCD in more detail and help you understand what your thoughts. There is a book that I would like to recommend to you. This is considered by the top psychiatrists to be the best there is and it's endorsed by the world renowned psychiatrist Paul Salkovskis.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Obsessive-Compulsive-Disorder-David-Veale/dp/1841199362/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221776792&sr=8-2
If you can't get hold of the book in America then there is another excellent book on the market that is American:
http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Obsessive-Thoughts-Gain-Control/dp/1572243813/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1221776822&sr=8-1
Please, don't do anything silly. It's such a sad waste of life especially when you haven't done anything wrong. I hope that this is of some help to you and please follow up to tell us how your doing. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2008): Don’t beat yourself up, you have been very good. Do you know how many guys would have had sex with those girls regardless of there age? Plenty I can tell you. You have strong willpower and that’s great.Start by going out to pubs, clubs and with your friends, you may meet someone which will take your mind of it. Also as for the girl she is wrong for trying to entice you, you could take action over it. Try speaking to her parents and letting them know what she is doing, speak to her and tell her to back of or you’ll tell her parents.I know it’s hard, but in time it’ll get easier. Your not a bad person, we are only human.
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