A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a total of three years. He has cheated, I only know of about 6 girls but I don't know how many times or who else, one of which was one of my closest friends so I cannot trust him around my friends. He has never told me, I always end up having to find out myself, be told or unfortunately walk in on it. We have broken up several times because of this and seen other people (which on my part he will not let go) and as far as I know (like I would know) he hasn't cheated for about a year and a bit now but something about him- I don't know if it is guilty or paranoid conscience has made him even more incredibly controlling of me and treat me like I'm some sort of swinger, even though I totally believe in monogamy regardless of how serious a relationship is. It's got so bad he will invite himself to parties that my friends have asked me along to or even just days out with my friends to make sure I am 'behaving myself'. He will happily shout at me like an asshole in front of my friends which is really embarrassing and he feels the need to know once I'm out, who I'm with, what I'm doing, where I am, how many guys are there. If there are guys I am guaranteed to get a mouthful of verbal abuse like 'have fun' or 'use a condom for **** sake' and then will receive the silent treatment for a day or so. It's even got to the point where he will get angry over the clothes I wear, I am very much a tomboy but he will get really angry and pick at me for wearing tank tops or leggings because he thinks I dress for attention and 'I don't have to dress up for anyone.' In spite of all this he will go out for days on end and not call me, whether he has no credit he is normally with someone who has texts or calls. I always vowed to myself and him that I would not be a doormat and that this was his last chance and things do get better, I stick up for myself but the controlling behavior gets worse as he throws his toys out the pram if I do something that he doesn't like. I have been with this guy since I was about fourteen years old and I know the mistake I made was starting out that young, I doubt my boyfriend takes me seriously and he will get angry for not listening to him while I feel i have nothing to say that is ever heard anymore in this relationship, unless I leave him again.I know in my heart and head that I could be happy without him but he also doubles as my best friend and the times that are good really are good. I don't know what to do here. I understand a lot of his paranoia is down to some medical conditions he has and he smokes a lot of pot, but I don't think that's any excuse to treat me like this and expect me to be walked over again. I have a lot of self esteem issues which never come into play when I am with him because I feel I can be my complete self around him when I am not being judged. I thought about writing out the pros and cons of our relationship down on paper to help me decide what to do but it didn't help.Now we have come to a point where his habits have got terrible, he has been with his friends for two weeks straight and has only slept in his own bed about once in this time. He has forgotten to meet me on a few occasions when I really needed him to. The one day I have been able to see him he always sends me home early to be back with his friends. I feel like I am fit into his life or I am some sort of security blanket, but I want to be a priority. Surely it should be me who should be so paranoid? I have never cheated but I tend to keep my thoughts to myself.I know leaving him is a good idea but the thought of being alone scares me. Is it possible to fall in love more than once? Because this is a big factor affecting my thoughts and it's torturing me!
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female
reader, CC Love  +, writes (19 March 2012):
 Have you heard the saying "It's much better to be alone than in bad company"? Because he is BAD COMPANY and it's a matter of time before he becomes VIOLENT, cheating, degrading, emotionally/verbally abusive BAD COMPANY.Of COURSE you'll fall in love again!! :) Next time, let's find a gentleman who respects and deserves your love and devotion, ok? I'm 32 and have really been in love 3 times; my first love was wonderful, my second an ass, and the 3rd time was the charm for me. ;)Good luck, honey. Do the right thing now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2012): Hey hun im not gonna tell you to leave him because at the end of the day the only one that can make that decision is you, and i think you no the right thing to do.What you need to ask is 'do i really want this as my future?' This man accuses you of cheating, trys to control what you wear, where you go and who you see! It is only going downhill after that, will he be telling you when to.eat and sleep next?Nobody deserves to be cheated on, its been done to me several times by the same man so iv been in your position. He could be bringing back disease and infections do you really want that? Anyway i wish you all the best hun and i hope you come to a decision that makes you happy. Xxx
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (18 March 2012):
 my dear come on. I have been cheated on and i know How much it hurts but you really need to give up on this guy and move on with your life. All the time he is in your life your just going to be stuck in what sounds like a really unhappy existence. You deserve so much better and i so wish there was a way i could make you see that.
I know being single at times can be lonely. But even though i am single atm i have learned its better to be single than being in a relationship with someone who cheats and has no respect for you.
Good luck. If i can do anything to help pm me.
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A
female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (18 March 2012):
 you are so, so young you probably dont think you are as nobody does when they are in their late teens/early twenties but you are. You have your whole life ahead of you please ditch this total waste of space and find someone who treats you like a princess. You wont be alone for long. But if you stay with him you will only live to regret it when you are older and wiser and wonder why on earth you stayed with him so long. That is, heaven forbid, you havnt got knocked up by him or married first.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 March 2012):
 So you rather a guy treats you like crap then be alone? That makes absolutely no sense! YOU are in charge of how others treat you. IF you let people take you for granted and treat you like dirt, some will.
How can this be "love"? LOOK at his actions and read your own post and tell me this, if you read this post from another girl, what would you tell her? To stay? And hope he will change - because you KNOW he won't.
He is a total DOUCHE!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (18 March 2012):
 WHY are you with this guy??? He's a cheater, a liar and on top of all of it he's controlling. He doesn't respect you, he'll sleep with your best friend and you take him back??? GIRL GET SOME BACKBONE! For God's sake, do you think so little of yourself that will let him walk all over you and you go running back? Of course you can fall in love more than once! It happens to people all the time. This guy is NOT the only man out there! You are so young honey, and deserve far far far better than what this guy can give you! Tell him to hit the road and find a man who will be honest and faithful. Yes, they are out there. You've been treated badly for so long that you've started thinking its normal to be treated that way. Its NOT! PLEASE love yourself enough to be treated with love and respect. You deserve that.
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