A
male
age
30-35,
*oyNamedGoo
writes:I met this girl 2 years ago since the start of 1st year university and I have been in love with her since the moment I met her. I started dropping hints that I liked her but she never seemed to like me as more than a friend. Our friendship grew drastically to the point where we are each others best friend of the opposite sex. My feelings for her only grew and they bottled up so much that I had to tell her a year ago. Her response was, "You're a great guy and an amazing friend but we just don't click. We don't click." Our friendship wasn't affected and it only grew even more and now we have been there for each other for so much. She thinks that I have gotten over my feelings for her but they have only grown too and is driving me to depression knowing that I love her more than I could ever love anyone else but she will never see me as anything more than a friend. I have to hide the feeling of icy daggers and hide my pain everytime she mentions her boyfriend's name. I don't know what to do. I have tried to get over her and lose my feelings. I've been able to do that for girls before; even one that I loved dearly. But it's as if everything this time is so different. I could never let go if I tried. It's as if i know in my heart that she is my only true love, but i feel like i'm damned to live my life in misery because she will never see me as more than a friend. She loves me, she says that loves me as a friend and that is clear, but i can't stand know that's all there is that she feels. I don't know what to do. tell her again?? I feel so worthless and i don't know what to do.
View related questions:
best friend, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Griim  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 You sound exactly like me and I can understand the heart-wrenching pain you are going through. As far as I see it you have a couple of options. You can either stop with your friendship and tell her you need some space until you really get over her. She probably won't be happy with this decision but you need to put yourself first, especially if this is affecting your health. Being apart from her will make it easier and you will think about her less.
The only other option is to grit your teeth and get on with it, which I am currently doing too. It will hurt but if you think your friendship is worth saving and you are sure you can do this without getting too upset then it might be a good choice, after all, she is amazing right? *sigh*
For what it is worth, try and see how selfish you are being. You only want her to be with you so that you can be happy when she obviously prefers being with her boyfriend which makes her happy. You just need to realise that deep down, you want what is best for her and disregard your own feelings. If she is happy then you are happy. Its the thought that manages to get me through the day.
Also stop thinking of her as your "only true love". This isn't true. You realise how many girls there are in the world right? BILLIONS! You think this girl is the only one who can make you feel this way? There will be more.
Another thing I find which eases the pain is talking about it with a close friend. Just tell them how you feel and you will find it helps. If you don't trust anyone enough just write down all your feelings on a piece of paper (and then hide/destroy it), anything to vent your frustration.
Go out there. Meet new people. Enjoy your hobbies. Don't get caught up with this one girl! Just remember that you deserve to love someone who loves you back. If it wasn't meant to be then it wasn't meant to be. If you truly love her you will let her do her own thing.
Although a bit erratic, I think about the above paragraphs constantly and put them into practice and I really do find it helps, even if only temporarily. Just make it into your mantra and learn to think rationally.
Remember you are not the only guy going through this! Plenty more otters in the river! Best of luck.
|
