A
female
age
30-35,
*oX15
writes:At one time, I was close with this guy. We were constantly in touch, whether it be online, texting, talking on the phone, or meeting up. I tried my hardest not to open up to this guy too much. But I couldn't help but trust him. First we started out just talking. Then one day we hugged and wouldn't let go. Then we kissed. Finally, we had sex. Afterward, it was strange. It was like we both didn't know how to act around each other. He tried to be normal, while I couldn't help but think of how i regretted it. I mean, things had changed, and I could feel it. He quit talking to me as much. The things we do talk about are impersonal and generic. So this past weekend, I was hanging out with my ex at this party. He was there with his on-off girlfriend. Automatically, he assumed me and my ex were back together. But he was there with her. Now he hasn't talked to me. Usually he comes to visit me when he's in the area, and now he hasn't. I hate that i got played. I can't believe how easy it was for him. I can't believe a guy would go through so much trouble, pretending he cared, getting to know me, and all of that, just to get in my pants. I would like to believe that he didn't do all of this just to achieve that, but it's hard not to when he doesn't even act like he cares anymore. Plus, he thinks I'm with my ex and that is not the case. I guess I'm just ranting or searching for some sort of advice or guidance here. I know I've been played. How do I redeem myself?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): Probably neither of you knew quite how to behave after you had sex. And if one or the other doesnt say anything, its easy for things to reach a point where it becomes so uncomfortable that its simpler to drop the friendship. You both stepped over the boundry with no clear idea what would happen next, so talk to him. Explain that you arent looking for a relationship or anything like that but you miss the friendship. If hes still interested in being friends it will give him a way back. If not, THEN you may have been played. But without talking frankly to him you will never know x
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 January 2010):
 No need for redemption. Just need for you to take it slower next time. I know it is easy to be "caught" up in the moment, when you chat to someone (text.e-mail. IM whatnot) but next time, take your time to SPEND time with him. GEt to know the REAL him.
We all make "dating" mistakes, count this as one of those.
From now on learn how to talk to someone you are interested in/dating/sleeping with. If it feels awkward, tell them, maybe they feel the same way and you have common ground and can move on from there. Guys aren't mind readers :) ( nor are we females) but for whatever reason most people forget that part.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (20 January 2010):
You don't need to redeem yourself. No one is going to think you'r bad or judge you for what has happened. Now you know that there are men out there who will use you. Forgive yourself, and cut all contact with him and let him go. Just focus on your own life, build up your esteem again and one day you'll find a great guy.
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 I am not entirely sure that you were played. Why it it that he was supposed to react any differently to what you did, ..and you did say that you BOTH did not know how to act around each other. It is not like he used you and discarded you tho. He was still talking to you, still dropping in to visit, so maybe if he was feeling a bit weird too, he may have been hoping that you would have indicated what happened was ok by making a move on him yourself. If you were both uncomfortable tho it is probably a good indication that you probably should not have had sex with each other.You also BOTH gave each other the same impression (even if facts are different) by turning up to a party with your respective ex's. How is he supposed to know that you have not moved on? He did not cut contact until seeing this, so maybe, just maybe, he has the impression that he is out of the picture entirely now and that is the reason he has distanced himself. If you feel a need to redeem yourself tho, the best thing is to perhaps just chalk it up to a lesson learnt and establish a bit more of a certain connection and intent (more communication) before sleeping with future prospects so you dont get left feeling like this again.
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