A
female
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anonymous
writes:I was talking with my boyfriend the topic of his ex-girlfriend came up and I've been a bit uncomfortable since. Not because we were talking about it but because his ex was the total polar opposite to me. From his description she is very social, outgoing, has had a lot of boyfriends and has slept with quite a few people. Me on the other hand... I'm more quiet, less forward, have only had 2 boyfriends and am still a virgin- basically kind of embarrassingly 'innocent'. I feel totally lacking in experience in comparison and worry that half the time I'm doing something stupid. He's never mentioned anything about it and I don't I'm doing anything particularly badly or anything, but I can't help but think I'm being compared and without a doubt being seen as worse... I guess I'm lacking confidence? Any way I can get over this feeling at all? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe did break it off with him and I am the first person after that, I mean its been a long time since he was going out with her but still... I really did wonder why he'd go out with me seeing how different I am. Thanks for your answer its really helpful.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 You are being compared. And yes it is making you feel insecure. It's natural. But why don't you find out why they broke up if she was all that great? Did he break it off, if so then she obviously had some flaws. Maybe she was so used to sleeping around she forgot where the boundaries were after she was in a relationship with him. If she broke it off, I am hoping you are not the first girl he dated "afterwards" because you could be the rebound girl; you know the woman who is completely opposite of the one you lost because you don't want to be reminded in any way of her. Now that doesn't mean he won't later fall in love with you and realize you'r perfect for him, but it's possible he hasn't arrived at that conclusion just yet. I would say this, try to keep your insecurities hidden and just be yourself. Learn to be more confident. It usually comes with age anyhow. And just keep your eyes open. If he still seems alittle hung up on that type of girl, he may be vulnerable to getting star struck when he meets another woman who reminds him of his ex. It'll be up to you to keep him grounded.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (8 May 2012):
He's with you now, so that is what matters. If she was that great, and if he preferred her, he'd still be with her. But he's not, he's with you.
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