A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for 9 months.He's a lot younger than me (he's 22 and I'm 32), and he says this is the best relationship he's had, he loves me very much and almost puts me on a pedestal.I love him very much and feel the same, he's kind and caring and unpretentious and we have lots in common.However I was up for an open relationship and he refused straight away, which suited me fine at first but sadly a month ago I started to have affairs with other guys I met online.I am lucky enough to attract lot of guys and used to have lots of partners, I enjoy casual sex a lot whether he has never found it satisfying.I realise this was not an ideal situation and to make things worse I have caught up an std, nothing serious but I am infectious unitl I get cured which should be a week or so. I haven't seen him in 2 weeks so no chance I have infected him but now I don't know what to do.I know if I admit to having an affair he will go beserk as he gets very upset if I only just mention an ex's name in our conversation.I want to admit it to him but I am worried he is going to be so dissapointed, if it had just been a casual relationship it would not have been such a problem but I am worried this is going to harm him because he loves me so much, he is very sensitive as well. I deserve everything I get and if he breaks up with me I'll be devastated but who cares it's my fault.I just to cause him as less harm as I possibly can, how do I break up the news?
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affair, met online, std Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Hi
Let him go find a guy that can offer him loyalty. I feel real sorry for him to be honest!
Fair enough if you like casual sex, thats your business but if you're not using protection it becomes a lot of other peoples too in the long run.
Dont tell him what you have done though, he doesnt need to know. Just say you now know you want to be casual with others so its not fair on him.
That way its damage limitation!
Sometimes we cant always have what we want. Dont be selfish. This guy is young and doesnt want to share someone by the sounds of it. I can understand that. I hope you do. I think you do, hence the question.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 September 2007):
 To be honest with you if it were me, in this instance I wouldn't! Breaking news of you being with other guys will only devastate him as you said he is very sensitive AND very loyal! What you CAN do however is get the STD seen to immediately and make a pact with yourself that you will never shag around again as long as you're together, it's not fair on him when you have both set boundaries. Get off the PC too and delete anyone you've spoken with in the past in case you're tempted again. Your boyfriend deserves your loyalty and if you can't give him 100% then I suggest you break things off with him and let him find it with someone who will!
Eve
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (6 September 2007):
 Break the news when you break things off. I think that you and this guy are on two different pages and are looking for different things. You're looking for some casual, open fun and he's looking for a committed, exclusive relationship. I don't think you should be holding him back from finding someone who wants to commit to him, perhaps marry him...
If you honestly see yourself settling down and marrying this guy, then think about staying in this relationship, but if that's not part of your long term plan with this guy, it would be best if you let him go.
Carry condoms!! Next time you might not be so lucky and catch something that CAN'T be cured!
Good luck!
xxIndia
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): Tell the truth, it may hurt more now but at leasst you'll help him in future avoid other women like you. You've got a good heart but you need to get your head on straight and stop having casual sex!!!!
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