A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,To cut a long story short to start with my husband left me in Feb 2010 for the woman he left his 1st wife for 14 years ago. I met a guy - call him David - at the beginning of June, started off well, we really hit it off. Couldn't see each other a great deal due to his work commitments but that was fine with me, was nice to see him when I could.Fast forward a short while and call it gut iinstinct, I typed his name, what he did for a living and where he lived into google and it brought back his compnies website. Where it listed him and his WIFE as the owners!! I texted him immediately, telling him not to contact me again!!But. At the beginning of August I texted him asking why he had lied. He had no reason, just that he really liked me and made him feel special. We agreed to see each occasionally for the odd 'coffee' which we have done since.The thing is, I have real feeling for 'David'. I can't say I love him as I don't really know him but he is on my mind 24/7. I spoke to him on Friday night and he's pretty poorly as well as rundown (wouldn't we all be if we had 2 people on the go!!)He's 'apparently' taken the weekend off work and I've heard from him once as he's at home in bed.I know that what I'm doing is wrong - I'm no better than the woman my husband left me for realistically, but I can't stay away! My heart hurts so much.What the heck can I do? I know I should end it. I know I should. But I'm scared. Scared of being on my own.
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female
reader, SillyB  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 Good decision! You're on the right path. I know of this 32 year old girl who has been dating her married man for 11 years. He's never left his wife, his wife knows of her, but the wife reaps the rewards of the marriage - the house, the cars and the jet. Meanwhile this girl has put her life on hold, never got married and never had kids. What a waste of time.
Good for you, proud of ya! Now text him tonight and then meet up with some single friends for drinks. Great website to go out there and meet people is meetup.com. People meet up based on the activities they enjoy. There are groups that do hiking or painting or reading....there are singles groups and womens dinner club groups. Every type of group you can imagine. Its a great way to meet people. Just keep busy.
Don't banter back and fourth with him in a text/email war. Just send him one text and thats it. Delete his number and block him.
I might even let his wife know of his behaviour, but thats me. If you want to end it cleanly with little complication, do not respond to any of his emails.
Big hug to you! You will find a man that will be fully yours!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm the O/P.
You're all right. I know you are. I've going to text him tomorrow and tell him I can't see him again.
You're right - I AM better than second best.
I will in time find someone who wants ME and no-one else. Be a long time until I trust a man, but when I do I will trust him 110%. 'David' is no better than my husband - worse if possible as he knows everything that's happened.
I can't live my life in limbo anymore.
I need to discover the real me, without any rubbish hanging around.
You know..... I guess I knew what to do, just needed impartial advice, thrown to me so I took a good look at what I was doing.
Thank you xx
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A
female
reader, dijoyful +, writes (5 September 2010):
 I agree sweetie, this is going nowhere, your just massageing his ego, all the time your sat alone thinkng about him, wanting him, your life is passing you by. Its only been a short time since your marriage ended so give your self time to recover. Work on getting happy in yourself. How nice would it be to have a man of your very own who can love you back fully. Please don't waste anymore time on him, wish him well and move on, as one door closes another one opens, get out and date. It will hurt for a while but not as much as staying in this loveless void. Best wishes for the future....Be strong
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A
female
reader, SillyB +, writes (5 September 2010):
Just remember that he's sleeping with another woman, his wife. He has a relationship, loves her, hugs her and talks to her. She's his priority. You're a side desert he sees here and there. Don't you think you deserve better? This is relatively new, only a few months. I'd end it RIGHT NOW before it gets more intense. Occupy your mind by joining a dating website and going on lots and lots of dates, pick up a hobby, go meet up with girlfriends and friends. keep yourself occupied. Don't do this to yourself. You're keeping yourself cut off from meeting other men.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 September 2010):
You already are alone. You're there. You're deluding yourself that you're not alone. It's not like this married man cares for you. He doesn't. He comes and goes as he pleases, and you sit there letting him do it. You're more alone now than you would be if you were at least single but meeting new people. Instead, you're sitting there alone waiting for a married man to show up, have his way then go again. And where do you think he is now? Probably either with his wife, or with another woman! Where are you? Alone waiting for him.
Just because you're single, doesn't mean you're alone. But if this comes out, you won't have anyone to turn to because any friends will dislike that you're seeing a married man, and any decent men will think you have no respect for anyone.
Being single is just what you need so you can rebuild your life. As your life is now with this married man, you're utterly isolated.
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