A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a question I hope someone will know the answer to. So I have been dating someone overseas. He definitely has money issues asks me easily for money. I dont give any. Yes we've seen eachother several times because I go there. Anyways, this time he decided he'd like to go to Turkey. Said he wants to go with his buddy. He asked that I pay 3000.00 to for his 1 year visa to go. Well, I looked on google and I'm seeing its 120.00 USD. He said its because it's an agent doing it that is why its 3,000. I'm really surprised the nerve he has to make plans and expect me to pay. I need something concrete about the real visa cost so I can show him and dump his a**. How on earth could nigeria charge 3000.00 for a visa? I don't buy it at all. For the record we have been together about a year and a half. Thanks for any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2020): You do not need concrete proof that he asked you for a lot of money and is skint - you already know both of those things.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2020): Hi I'm the OP
Thanks for the advice. One comment was I've written in before. No I haven't I'm sure I'm not the only one who has written in about something overseas.
I have told him I have no intention of paying for this so called trip and haven't replied back to him. It's TRUE if he truly wanted to be with me he would be working on us not a trip with a friend on my expense.
Thanks again .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): He shouldn't be asking you for money. Just dump him! What do you need concrete proof for? Some guy you met overseas with money problems is asking you for money. Isn't that enough to dump him?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): I think you wrote to DC over a year ago on the same subject. I am sure the aunts and uncles probably remember your post too. You were advised then also against sending money to anyone on the internet. I hope you listen to them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): Please use your brain on this one. Not just for the Maths, if only to see that you are being scammed for goodness sake!
How many times exactly have you met him? You're bein playing like a fiddle and mo surprise really because you're making it so easy for him!
You don't need proof at all, you just need to use your common sense more!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): You talk as if you are in a relationship with this guy. You are not. You are someone he speaks to when it suits him. He does not meet up with you or date you or take you out or spend money on you. I spend more time having a quick chat with my secretary or one of my staff.Stop pretending this man is your life. He has no intention of being with you properly. If he did he would prefer the idea of spending money on coming to see you than going off to Turkey with a friend. He has big ideas for someone who is skint. Holidays are luxuries that you only spend on when your finances are flourishing. Why would anyone sensible want a relationship with a man who is a long way away and not bothering to sort that out and who has financial problems?You are better off single than at the beck and call of a so called LDR with a man who is penniless.I am sure he is asking other women for money too. You are just one of many he asks. He may well be married.He may well have a local girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 August 2020):
 OP, how hard can this be ? Just contact the Turkish Embassy in Nigeria ( it's in Abuja ) !, by phone or email, and ask them what's their exact fee for a visa. More simply, like any Embassy, they have all the infos available on line on the Embassy website, just look them up and print them out !
Note, though, that, while the application fee is never more than 200 USD according to the different types of Visa, the Turkish Embassy won't just spit out a Visa to anybody who pays the fee. They also want proof that the applicant will be able to support himself for all the time he will stay in Turkey, which he can do either showing the copy of a work contract ( which your Bf hasn't got ), or a letter from a Turkish sponsor ( ditto ) , or , the proof that the applicant has got on his bank account enough money to support himself for all the duration of his visa.
So, obviously, 3000 USD is more than just the application fee... but less than what the Embassy thinks is reasonable for living 12 months in Turkey.
I think that there is no " agency " at all ( what the agency would be for ? The application must be submitted through Internet mandatorily, and the subsequent in-person appointment at the Embassy is mandatory too, you can't send someone else ), and that this guy is not even just thinking of moving to Turkey. He just came up with an inventive way to pump 3000 USD out of you. If you send him this money , he'll dilly-dally a bit, and then it will come out that the application fell through or that he was rejected for unknown reasons or that the agency closed up or some other bullshit.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2020): What is all this stuff about you being in a relationship? He only comes to you to get money off of you. If he chats to you inbetween it is to keep you sweet,to keep you interested. People who are short of money do not go on holidays - unless they are totally irresponsible, immature idiots. They save up and pay off their debts first. Responsible and mature people do not get into heavy debt.Why would you want a relationship with a liar, a user and a freeloader? Has it not occurred to you that even if what he said was true being in a relationship with him would mean that he is just using you for money and only with you for money and you are better off being totally single then.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2020):
 You are right. Sorry FA :) I did make a math boo boo!
Sorry OP.... Disregard my whole post....
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 August 2020):
 ummmmm 70% of 30 million is 21 million. Leaving only a paltry 9 million to choose from. on the average about half of them are shorter than average, leaving less than 5 million.
if you are going to play the numbers, do the math.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 August 2020):
Why do you need concrete proof here?
YOU know what's up. You know he is TRYING to USE you financially. This isn't LOVE.
HE wants to go to Turkey, so HE can PAY for himself to go, how is that YOUR problem? Or your responsibility to pay?
WHAT are you really get out of this?
Save your time "investigating proof" and save your money and your heartache.
Find someone CLOSER to date. Someone who WANTS and CAN spend time with you. Someone who is FINANCIALLY independent, who doesn't ASK you to pay for HIS entertainment. Someone who WANTS to go on vacation WITH you and PAY his own way.
Don't date guy who can't take care of themselves.
There are 30 MILLION (yeah that many) men in the age group of 30-40 in the US, let's say 70% are in committed relationships - that still leaves you with 12 MILLION possible potential partners JUST in the US.! So why look overseas and date someone who CAN'T move to the US because he isn't FIANCIALLY stable. And if he GOT here, he wouldn't be able to STAY either as he CAN NOT take care of himself financially. What career does he have? What education? What skills?
A LDR is something that can't go on forever, it has to have an END goal of BEING together IN the same place. To move to a non-LD. To live near each other or with each other and then to make a family.
Is that even realistic with this guy?
HOW much MORE of your own life and future are you going to WASTE on this guy? All you are doing "dating" this man, being in this "LDR" is holding you back from meeting the GUY who CAN be the right guy for you, your future partner, husband, spouse.
You are caught up in a fantasy here. That is all this guy is. You have been "dating" for 18 months but ONLY you have made the FINANCIAL investment of travelling to see HIM! why is that? Because he either can't or won't spend that money to go see you. OR he can't LEGALLY enter the USA. If he wants a VISA to flipping ANYWHERE HE needs to pay for it himself.
Don't be DUPED. Don't fall for this overseas love scams.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2020): Look, you're his cash machine, which is not a bad thing if you're both on the same page - he providing the services and you paying for them.
Since it's not the case, dump him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (12 August 2020):
 Why do you need "something concrete" to dump him? You already KNOW he is trying to use you as a bank. You are entitled to dump him whenever you want.
I also have to question whether you have NEVER given him money or paid for anything for him because he is being unusually patient for someone who has no qualms about trying to sponge off you. These scammers don't usually hang around for so long if there is no hope of getting what they want.
I'm not sure there is any point in anyone giving advice when you already know he is trying to scam you but choose to stay with him. Perhaps he is getting the money he needs from other women (these scammers usually have more than one "girlfriend" on the go to ensure a steady flow of income) while letting you spend your money visiting him and (I have to assume) having sex with him. Even if you keep knocking back his requests for money, he is still not out of pocket.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (12 August 2020):
 I hate to say it, and no its probably not what you want to hear, but this sounds like a scam to me.
You are absolutely right to not hand over any money. I think if you handed over the money, you would, A. never seem him again for dust. Or B. its will be more money nest time this time for an unwell relative or something.
In this case he wants to go on a jolly up with his buddy in Turkey, and expect you to pay for it. OMG OP, i think you should go out and by the most expensive pair of running trainers you can, and sprint for the hills. The fact that he want to go with his buddy, and not you say's it all.
You don't buy it at all, neither do i. I really think you should terminate contact with this person and move on.
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