A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so in love with my boyfriend of four years, he's perfect for me. The only thing is he's a very private person and I'm very open and honest so I just don't understand his need for secrecy, when we love each other.It's got to a ridiculous point now, that's hard to explain, but he doesn't even want me round his house now, he says it's because I would be bored but hes obviously got something to hide.I was so insulted by this that I told him well, if you really wont invite me round we'll have to split up because I'm not having a half hearted relationship.He's bipolar so communicating is difficult enough with his mood swings.Anyway dispite all this i do love him so much and I really don't want to split up! I've already said we're over now and I don't want to seem a pushover, or that he can walk all over me.I just don't understand why he would throw everything away just so I don't come round his?.... It seems crazy as he still keeps texting me saying he loves me, but if he loved me that much he'd just be more pen with me?I don't want to be taken for a fool but I love him so so so much and I just want to be with him, but only if he wants us to be together 100% and he's giving mixed signals. I don't want anyone else and I don't want to be without my love. I thought if I stayed strong he'd realise he was loosing me and give in but he's not. What should I do next?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Do you even know where he lives? The suspicious side of me would be getting in the car and doing a little drive by to see what he may be hiding.
Really this is starting to hurt the trust in the relationship. When the trust is questioned, you start to have major problems that don't go away very easily or at all. No trust=a rocky relationship heading for a break-up.
If breaking up isn't an option, then I would sit him down and have a little rational chat. Ask him the real reason why he doesn't want you coming over. Tell him you feel like he is lying and hiding something from you. You need him to be open and honest with you, that's how relationships work.
Now, if he's been like this from day one. Secretive, closed off, bipolar (I do hope he's taking medication for that) then you knew what you were getting yourself into. If you're tired of it, then it's best that you finally opt out of this relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): Dear hurting girl, you can't fix someone who doesn't want to be fixed. He is very, very broken....do you really need to know how much? Whatever he is hiding is not worth another precious moment of your time, he is more likely to seek help if he is alone and hits bottom rather than if he has someone enabling him to continue hiding.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (20 January 2011):
 You've been with him for 4 years and he's never let you come to his house? You are right to be suspicious and you are right to draw the line. I wouldn't stick around to find out what he's hiding... it is definitely not a puppy or a surprise party for you.
If he's not giving in, then he isn't worth your time. I would leave him and find someone who doesn't mind inviting you over.
Good luck, sweet!
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