A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I need your help as I've arrived at, what I have today been told, is a really f**ked up conclusion. To summarise, I was in a physically and emotionally relationship for 10 years. Two children, two years and an extremely bitter separation later, I'm finally in a good place with work and my home life. I tend to get a lot of attention, and most of this is nipped in the bud, as I don't feel ready to embark on making another disasterous decision that could impact upon my children's well being or my happiness. I have recently been seeing a younger guy, let's call him James, who is very similar to me, been hurt, barriers a plenty, and the thing is that we generally get on great. I know he is wrong for me and I know I am wrong for him, but in our own messed up way, we care about each other a lot. If our situations were different I'm sure we could make a great go of it. He is very selfish though, dates other people but always keeps me there and I feel he sees me as more of a mother figure, I'm a lot like his mother in attitude, work and family ethic. At the moment this works for me as I want no commitment.The thing is I have had really nice, lovely guys approach me, they are friends of mine, and I cannot think of anything worse that getting into anything serious as I really don't want to hurt them. One said that he knows he can make me happier than the guy I am seeing, and to be fair he probably could. I was explaining this to my friend and she summarised by saying "so you are telling me is you won't consider him because you don't want to hurt him, but it's ok for you to get hurt by James???" I have been thinking this lately a lot, but her saying that has really made it hit home. Any advice for someone who is clearly fifty shades of? I just can't cope with the thought of someone changing who I am now, because I will change off my own back and I kinda like me right now. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 He is selfish, dates other people, and sees you as a mother figure, but you are great for each other? This works for you as you want no committment? If this works for you then why are you posting your story? To me, this guy does not even sound like a good friend. Who wants a friend who are the three things you mentioned above? I want a friend who is my equal, who is considerate, and who is thoughtful. That is generally what I look for in all people with whom I associate. So what is drawing you to this guy? It is obvious he is not a positive influence on your life. I would encourage you to ditch this one and at least befriend some guys who are gentlemen. You do not need the negative influence of this other one dragging you down everyday. Honestly, it doesn't sound like it is working for you. It sounds like you see him as more than a friend because if you didn't...you would not have mentioned that he's seeing other people. If he was just a "guy-friend" to you...you wouldn't care if he sees other people. Give those good guys a chance...you might just surprise yourself by how kind some men can be.
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