A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I found out that my boyfriend has given his ex's flowers (even when they were broken up) and he took one of his ex's to a fancy fine dining restaurant, 2 hours away. In the over 2 years that we've been dating, he's never done anything like that for me. He surprised me with a movie date one night, but that's about it. I've waited, hinted, and flat out asked for flowers, and he's never given them to me, and says that I'm trying to change him into a guy he isn't. I've asked him why he did it for his ex's, but not me, and he tells me that his ex's are none of my business. For mother's day he supposedly bought his mom and I a candle, but he conveniently lost mine. We have a few other issues in our relationship, but this is the main one that has bothered me. I feel like he isn't in to me as much as he says he is, and only keeps me around for convenience. Should I leave him?
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female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 June 2012):
 If he shows you his affection in other ways then you need to accept that. The things he does have genuine thought behind them, whereas anyone could call up and order flowers. Perhaps he thinks you are special compared to the other women and that getting flowers is a superficial display of affection. I actually got flowers for my birthday this year and was disappointed because I would rather go do something we both enjoy. If you really want flowers, then go by yourself one. If you keep complaining just because your man does not get you flowers, he may give up and stop doing anything nice for you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): If you did anal sex with one of your exes and didn't like it, then do you still "owe" anal sex to all future BFs to prove that you love them just as much as you loved that guy?
What your BF did with other girls is not to be taken as a reflection on how he feels for you. He may just change his own feelings and habits over time and in different relationships.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe actually has broken up with me, a bunch of times. I've told him that I want us to talk through our issues whenever we have them, and he has agreed, but whenever we have problems, he breaks up with me immediately. One of the girls that he treated better than me, was a girl that he dated while we were on a "break."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): From your update, my thought is that your being very unfair and spoilt. I would rather have a man who does these sweet things which shows that your man loves and appreciates you over a bunch of flowers any day of the week. So he used to give his ex's flowers, and he has never given you any. Well he also broke up with up them, which he hasn't done with you, do you want that as well? I really think you need to get your priorities straight, because what you see as standard things in a relationship, in fact really aren't that standard at all. You are so lucky to have a man who shows you he truly loves and appreciates you, and you would leave because he doesn't give you flower's. The flower's would mean nothing now anyway, because you have asked him for them, and you would then feel he only got them to stop you from whinging about it. Leave him if you want, but I honestly think you would be better to stop putting the focus on what he did or did not do with his ex's, and put the focus back on your relationship with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't sending his ex's anything now that we are together. He does "nice" things, but I feel like they are things that come standard in a relationship. Like he will pick up dinner from my favorite fast food restaurant on his way home from work, and he will let me sleep in Saturday mornings while he watches our son, he'll cuddle with me while we watch movies, and he will randomly text me telling me he loves me or he'll give me random hugs. I just don't feel that loved. Especially since he has done things for other girls (before me)that he won't do for me, despite knowing how much it means to me.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 June 2012):
If he isn't treating you with kindness and consideration in any matter, then yes, I would leave him. If he is in a relationship with YOU, his exes should not be getting gifts from him. If he does nice things for you, but just doesn't get flowers, then you might want to consider that you are being too picky. It sounds like he is rather self-centered if he can't even get you a small token of his affection (if he has any). You don't mention any other ways that he might show his kindness, so I am assuming he doesn't. If he doesn't, go find someone who does who can make you happy.
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