A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently met a man but I am struggling with how I feel. Basically he is one of those people who gets with a lot of women and is very casual, and seems somewhat hung up over his ex-girlfriend. He says things like 'It would work now but he's got a girlfriend and I am glad he is happy'. However, he has been doing things with me, but I have told him implicitly that I cannot do casual things because I like him more than that. I don't want to feel used because he's getting his fun and I'm feeling empty afterwards. The dilemma here is because I feel bad for him and want to help him but I feel disgusting and all my thoughts are occupied with this situation.I know he doesn't want to be with me, I don't want to be with him necessarily, but I cannot just feel so used. We cuddle and hold hands but I am scared he is just using me because he has no-one else. I don't know how to stop seeing him because I feel stuck on him.My friends say he isn't going to change and it has to be that puts a stop to it, but I saw him and we spoke as friends but then we kissed and it went downhill from there.I like him as a person but I feel so rubbish because I want him more than what he is doing to me (Which I'm not really sure is!).I have never been in this position before and it's upsetting me a lot. Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Honeypie! :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 July 2015):
 Yep, you MUST do it FOR you... not for him. But because it's the BEST for you.
Don't settle for half-ass ANYTHING, including guys and relationships.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again Honeypie you're so right, I'm just hesitant because I know I will end up bumping into him, but I must do this for myself! Thank you!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2015):
BLOCK & delete his number, block, remove and unfriend on EVERY app and social site.
DENY him access to you and YOU to him. Don't keep his number ANYWHERE after you block & delete it.
It's a CHOICE. YOU "choose" to keep him around, now CHOOSE to NOT keep him around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi mystiquek,
Thanks so much, all of you are so right but I just feel incapable of even doing that, this is what I really hate about myself, I put everyone else before my feelings!!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 July 2015):
 If you are "weak" then the only way to go is complete NC (no contact). No phone calls, no texts, NOTHING. It might mean you have to block him or change your phone number, same thing with an email address. Don't see him. Its the only way you are going to be able to end things. He obviously doesn't feel bad about "using you" so you are the one who is going to have to put a stop to it. If you continue to see him and have contact with him it just makes it that much harder to end things or to prevent something from starting up again. End it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi So_Very_Confused,
Everything you have said is so true, it is just because he is new to this area and I was one of the first people he met here so I felt like I should help him get on his feet. It just turned into something so suddenly and I have never really had this problem before!
I know it is 100% not MY responsibility to make sure he is okay but I feel so terrible about this, and the fact I've told him so much is making me very upset! I know we make mistakes but I detest these sort of situations and always ensure I never get into them.. Worked out well here!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2015):
 well if you want to not be affected by him then you need to go 100% no contact with him and get on with your life.
It will hurt for a few week but guess what better to hurt on YOUR timetable vs his...he will leave you in the dust when he meets someone he cares about. then you will have no choice and feel like you have "no closure"
you know he's using you. OWN that you are are allowing it and END all contact with him. Say you have to work on a project (YOURSELF) and don't have time for all day texting or visits) then BLOCK him on the phone, by email and on social media.
then stay busy. he will pass into memory by the end of the year if you let him go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Honeypie, that is great advice, it is just very difficult because I do not know HOW to cut him off? We have been speaking virtually most of the day for 2 months but all my friends are telling me to delete him. I have told him some personal things so I feel completely vulnerable to him.
I am trying to limit contact and speak in a different way, I just am a weak person and he knows it, hence why he has picked me.
I try to be strong but when someone is giving me all the attention it is very difficult to not want more.
I feel sick at my own actions but I cannot reverse them, I really need help here! Thanks!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2015):
So cut him off~ HE is not going to stop doing (using) it just because you TELL him you don't want to be used. Your actions doesn't match your words.
He is messing around with you, because you ARE available.
Listen to your gut that says:" I WANT MORE" because HE isn't it then.
He isn't exactly a friend either, is he? So why keep him around?
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