A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The man I am seeing is "complicated" but I like him a lot and though our involvement is risky, we are trying to see how things will go. Anyway, we were making love today and during the act, he told me that if I missed a period and conveived, he wants me to go through with the pregnancy. He asked me to promise and I did. Afterwards, he gave me a mind-blowing kiss...but later, I started having so many doubts. I have always told myself I would never have an abortion and I know I would never be the same after. But I don't think I can do it, have his baby. I am i n love with someeone else and my mom would be heartbroken. I wonder, why does he want me to have his baby anyway? He told me he and a gf had aborted before...and I know he doesn't love me...so why?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 July 2012):
Hi there. When you say "complicated" and it's "risky", do you mean that he is married?
I am just wondering what makes it complicated and risky.
Perhaps he has some idea in his head, that if anything happens to him, well then there will be all these ascendants of his in the world, so he has left behind, some kind of legacy.
It almost seems like a romantic fantasy.
Make love to all these girls, make them pregnant and then move on.
Because you said that you know he doesn't love you, it seems that he doesn't want to commit to anyone, does it?
And you have said, that you like him a lot, although you are in love with someone else.
So you really would much prefer to have a baby with someone you loved - eventually - wouldn't you?
Not just falling pregant and having a baby, to fulfil some guy's romantic fantasy.
Even if you do fall pregnant, there's a good chance that he won't want to be a true fatherly figure in that baby's life.
It's highly likely that you would never see him again, or maybe he might come and visit occasionally - or at least once, out of his own curiosity.
You made a promise to him - in the heat of passion and a romantic thought - and now you regret that you made that promise.
Reality is starting to hit home now, as it always inevitably does.
There is such a thing as the "morning after" pill and it is supposed to just stop a pregnancy from happening, so then you just get your period when it's due.
He doesn't need to know that you see your doctor, to get that pill.
You already realize for yourself, that for you to have a baby now in your life, the timing just isn't right.
And to have a baby, simply on some guy's romantic whim, is out of the question.
It would never be him that would be looking after the baby - it would always be you - ALONE!
And abortion, is not an option either.
So with that in mind, prevention is the only solution.
If you do keep on seeing this guy, and he asks you again to promise, you could pretend to promise, and then go straight to your doctor to get the morning after pill.
Or better yet, say to him (being completely honest), that you can't make a promise that you don't believe in.
Even as much as you like him, to have a baby now is not a realistic proposition.
There are so many more things you want to do in your life before starting a family with ANYONE - let alone him!
Your no. 1 priority now, is of course, finishing your education and beginning a career.
Marriage, a mortage and children will probably not be on your mind for at least another 10 years!
He needs to be told this.
If you had a baby now, you would almost certainly feel deep regret for that promise you made to him.
And even worse than that, you would also have many regrets of lost opporunities in your life for a happy, prosperous and successful future.
Because as you are already aware, your whole life would change, the minute you gave birth and brought that new baby home.
Then the cold hard truth sets in, of what you have really done in making a promise like that to someone, when you are not ready for that step in your life yourself.
If you went ahead and let yourself fall pregnant right now, it could be the biggest mistake of your life.
I promise you, you would live to regret it, for sure.
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