A
female
 ,
*ina_101
writes:I am an 18 year old A level student and I have become involved with a 29 year old man. I have been seeing this guy for a while now and we are "bed buddies." Over time I have become attached to him and want us to be more than that. It would make me very happy if he could be my boyfriend and if we could be together properly. I have strong feelings for him and I care about him very much. I am very fond of him and he makes me very happy, though I am not in love with him. I really want to tell him how I feel but I have not had the guts to do it. I am afraid that if I tell him I will scare him off. Because of this, when I am around him I act as though I do not care for him.Despite this fear I have made up my mind to tell him but I want to tell him to his face and not over the phone. Recently he has been very busy and I have not had the chance to see him to tell him. The bigger problem now is that he will be moving away for 3 years to go to university. I went to see him to say goodbye (as he requested). He was quite busy at the time so I had to go home shortly afterwards so we did not get time alone to talk .I really want to see him and tell him how I feel before he goes. I fear now that I will not get the chance. Not only that but I do not know how he will react to me telling him how I feel. He may react negatively. I do not expect him to want to be my boyfriend after I tell him all I want to do is get it off my chest. I have been feeling like this for a while now and I really do want to tell him. Of course it would make me very happy if he actually wanted to be my boyfriend but at the same time it is more than likely that that won't happen. He probably only wants sex from me and is not interested in anything beyond that. After all we are only "bed buddies." This is the reality I have accepted but that does not remove the feelings I have for him. I know I never should've gotten involved with him because I knew beforehand that I would only be sex to him. But I cannot help the way I feel.Please help.
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female
reader, *kez* +, writes (5 October 2006):
 i was in the same position as you with my 31 year old guy i really started to like him and im 18 too. But, sorry to say this but he only sees u as a bed buddy i should know coz this happened to me, he didnt see me as a girlfriend type he only saw me as a bed buddy and didnt hav respect for me and he only called me wen he wanted sex i tried to make it more than that and now he doesnt talk to me,maybe stop bedding him and start ova like you just met him nad dont sleep with him for a while and he might see you for who you are xx
A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (5 October 2006):
 yeah your just right, you can't help the feelings you have for him so i say before he goes i think you should request to meet with him and just let him know before he goes. I wouldnt even let him speak until you have said everything you have to say, then awaqit his reply. Bear in mind though that this may come as a shock to him and he may be speechless, if so then by all means give him time to respond. Let him go away and think about it and still keep contact with him over the phone and through letters etc.
Even if he does just see you as his bed buddy then at least you will have let him know how you feel and dont forget tell him that you would like a response from him and an honest one at that. You're 18 and you should be able to handle the truth, after all you've already expected the worst so what is there to lose?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): Hey,
I am in the same position as you, although with my 'bed buddy' we used to be boyfriend/girlfriend. I thought that when he got in contact again and all the talking we did that when we were intimate again it was because he wanted me as his girlfriend again, however it appears that he sees it as just 'friends with benefits'. I have realised this last couple of weeks that i can not just be that, as my feelings are so strong for him and that it hurts me too much to have him use me, but I am also scared to tell him how i feel in case I lose him again.
BUT, what do you have to lose by telling this guy how you feel? If you dont say anything you will end up getting hurt when he finds someone else, or now he has moved away it is unlikely to carry on. OR you can tell him, he may not want anything more, you will hurt, but at least you know. you could tell him and you may find that he would like more as well.
At the end of the day you have to do what your heart tells to you. If he doesnt want anything more then what are you really losing - someone who doesnt respect or want you enough to have a proper relationship. At least if that is the case you can dust yourself down, and be open to finding someone who truly wants you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): Maybe u shud ring him asking him to meet up as there is something important u need to discuss! If he says he is busy then tell him on the fone as he may also think u ave no feelings for him (apart from being sex buddies)!
If he acts badly dun worry u wont c him 4 3 years he will be away!!!! u ave nuthing to lose! u will c wha u meant to him by telling him ur feelings! i no to u it seems like ur just sex to him but maybe he actually has feelings for u and he has been just as scared to tell u!
Good Luck!
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