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male
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*mujoe
writes: I'm an older man who has fallen for a young women with whom I work. I'm married. While my wife was overseas this lady ... young enough to be my daughter ... and I went out for dinner, coffee etc several times. I'm now suffering limerence because of her. I know that there is no hope for a relationship because of our age difference, the fact that I'm married and she is to a degree relationship averse and self centred. I've been trying to avoid her with the hope that I'll forget about her, but my life is miserable because she's in my thoughts day and night and I see her most days at work. We just say "Hi" and keep walking. When I see her it is very difficult for me. It's also not fair of me to avoid talking with her when it's not she who has made me infatuated with her. How do I get her out of my mind and get on with life? It's making me very unhappy.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): Think about it clearly. You are married. Have a great life and that so why go for a girl who you dont love? Just take a long think and eventually it will work out. Promise!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): It sound a bit like an "American Beouty".
situation here if you watch the movie you can learn from it as I gather it turned out in the film it wasent the girl he was really infatuated with it was his life needed to take a new direction he wanted to be that person he was when he was young so free and outgoing.
I know this sounds a bit clich'e but bere with me,maybe this is the case with you need to take a long look at your wife and see the beouty in her if you ask your heart if you truly love her you will find the young girl inside her too. Dont hurt her but be honest with youself Think about what YOU WANT OUT OF LIFE or you'll be no good to anyone leave this young girl out of it shes just masking other deeper issues here. So dont go there
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A
male
reader, Emujoe +, writes (6 October 2006):
Emujoe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses. I guess I already knew the answer, but it's nice to hear from others who confirm what I knew ... get over it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): You've got to accept the facts: You are an old goof. She's young and attractive, and can have dozens of you anytime she wants. Too bad for you, but that's life. Still acting/thinking like a sap? Mull this over for a minute: Millions of other young/attractive females also exist, and you aren't who they are looking for either. Just be grateful that your wife hasn't already sent you divorce papers. Try focusing on those moments that really sold you on your wife (when she was ... a young/attractive female), and be happy that you're still together and that you've got all those memories.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): I agree, you are 'infatuated' with her or rather you are infatuated with the feeling you get about yourself, when you think of her. An what is infatuation? It's a foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant short lived passion or physical attraction. That's all this is-a physical attraction to her youthfulness. I say this because, you state yourself she is "relationship averse and self centered". So we know you aren't intrigued and excited about her 'sparkling" personality and intellect, dear! This is simply about complacency, a bit of boredom, in your own life. And added to that, perhaps the fact that she's not into you might be what's feeding your passion, wanting what we can't have? We all long for that special feeling of love, and as experience proves, it usually comes when you least suspect it. The only way to rid yourself of these thoughts, is time and efforts and some sensible, mature reflection on what you have in your marriage and the years it took to build a bond of committment, respect and honor for the woman you married. Don't get lost in this and pursue this young woman...you could end up paying a huge price for a lifetimes for a short time of self-gratification. Good luck and be strong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2006): It sounds like mid life crisis to me,
go home spend quality time with your wife and family! Forget about this girl as it will only lead in heartbreak on everyside....
Infactuations like that never lead to anything only heartbreak and I doubt you want to tear your family apart either!
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